. . . . . entries for 31.3.10 . . . . .
My second reader for my JP is a neuro professor who deals with BIS/BAS, sort of, kind of. Oh brother.
. . . . . entries for 29.3.10 . . . . .
So apparently the junior independent work grade appears on the transcript but is in no way factored into the PSY GPA. WHAT THE HECK
PSY department, on behalf of my shiny first semester JP grades, I am disappoint.
. . . . . entries for 28.3.10 . . . . .
I have a formspring. I hope it will not end me. :P
. . . . . entries for 27.3.10 . . . . .
Man, what am I doing this summer, anyway?
. . . . . entries for 26.3.10 . . . . .
Isn't it my turn to break down and give up and change my outlook on everything? I swear it must be.
. . . . . entries for 25.3.10 . . . . .
Also, either in Chicago or Nisky or perhaps bits of both this summer. Not Virginia. Disheartening, I guess, but I am writing that goddamn fantasy novel, unless I get into creative writing I guess because no one in the department takes that type of thing seriously or really knows how to do it. I am quite primed to fail in the CWR app department though, so what's to worry about?
Blogreaders, I appear doomed in this life to be resented for my degree and laughed at for my field of study, among other unpleasant things. But I don't know why I wanted the approval of certain SOBs in the first place, so fuck it. I care a lot - evidently a fucking lot more than most - but I can only care so much before you aren't worth it anymore.
1. I am pissed at my creative writing class, who apparently believe that long-distance girlfriends are merely "obstacles to be overcome" for local girls, that out-of-state SOs don't count. More than pissed on my own behalf, I am outraged because it is human, it is normal, it is fucking discounting, just like the discounting that makes your great-great-grandchildren worth less to you than yourself or your living kin, just like the discounting that makes living, breathing people continents away seem less living, breathing, thinking, feeling, suffering, JESUS CHRIST I AM ANGRY
If there is a god, why did He make us this way?
2. - trivially - I am at Fruity Yogurt and there are tapioca noodles in addition to pearls in my tea, which is weird and too tapioca-y really, but the noodles are interesting. And slurpy.
3. Course offerings are up. I think I will enroll in four and MAKE MYSELF drop one. The four are:
Persuasion and Propaganda (departmental, important, not dropping)
Topics in Social and Personality Psychology: Social Psychology and Social Change (also departmental and professor does work with prejudice in Africa and sounds SO AWESOME, not dropping)
Ecosystems and Global Change (has a fall break trip to Panama and sounds right up my alley, nice and worldview-expanding and a hardcore ecology class without prereqs)
Psychoanalysis and Narrative (lol, the course description says: "This course might also be titled "Having Fun with Freud." As psychoanalysis continues to lose ground as a clinical practice, it has become increasingly popular as a mode of criticism, a useful and creative tool for reading narrative." No shit.)
. . . . . entries for 24.3.10 . . . . .
Ugh. I have been worse, but not often.
. . . . . entries for 23.3.10 . . . . .
I don't know quite what my unconscious is up to lately, but I think it needs a cold shower. o.O . . . I'm going to go ahead and blame the music I've been listening to. Especially finding out the lyrics to that damn catchy Shaggy song, and too much Ego.
During Epic Nap (from which I feel not fully awake) I had a dream involving my car (but also not my car, more like the parents' car), a suspect and possibly fraudulent citation for speeding or something, defending one of my friends against some weirdly critical/patronizing people, and randomly meeting a bunch of high school boys playing ball or something near sort-of-campus. o.O
. . . . . entries for 22.3.10 . . . . .
"Sit quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself." -Mark Jia, Princeton '10
It's warm in Princeton and the daffodils are out. Our Congress just made history and I trust the President of the United States. I am not giving up on the world yet.
. . . . . entries for 20.3.10 . . . . .
Over the summer, I must read LotR, or say goodbye to hopes of writing fantasy forever. :P
. . . . . entries for 19.3.10 . . . . .
I am writing high fantasy, I can hear a great horned owl outside, I am merrily ignoring more pressing concerns . . . life could be worse.
Of all the things I could be doing, I think I am going to come up with a plot (or at least a solid plotty premise) for the fantasy novel that I ostensibly don't even want to write until after I graduate. Hrm.
As I told my father: I am not the one to think of situations in terms of claiming my rights.
As I did not tell him: I am the one who has always found herself in a place, instead, to try to make peace - at least between people, if not within herself.
. . . . . entries for 16.3.10 . . . . .
WHY MUST FACEBOOK ADVERTISE ECO-FRIENDLY ENGAGEMENT RINGS TO ME!?
I'M JUST SAYING
. . . . . entries for 15.3.10 . . . . .
I've been meaning to blog this for a while. This is a series of texts I received from Frank in the lead-up to the arrival of my Valentine to him (which involved lots of marshmallows, among other things):
February 22, 6:21 PM: Snow! Wish we could enjoy some cocoa together.
(phone call in which Frank explained some recent events to me and remarked that he might pick up some marshmallows; I told him that fate was sending me strong signals that he should not pick up marshmallows)
February 23, 3:46 PM: So I went to CVS and there were no marshmallows!
(I tell him it's the universe's will and ask, how are you? after he meeps at me, and a meepy exchange ensues.)
11:25 PM: Meepy evidently. And jonesing for cocoa with marshmallows :-P
(further how are yous)
February 24, 12:55 PM: Okay. I just got a notification of a received package so I'm intrigued . . .
2:59 PM: Is there anything perishable in the package?
3:01 PM: I got held up and there's not enough time to get it and not be late. If it waits until tomorrow morning will it go bad? :-P
(no Frank, it won't :P )
3:02 PM: Good. :-) I wish I could pick it up today though :-(
(yeah you do.)
3:03 PM: Are there marshmallows?!
(something along the lines of "teehee")
February 25, 1:57 PM: I just picked up a brown box from a Miss Erin Sherman. I wonder its contents . . .
2:10 PM: Thank you very much Erin. I love you. <3
(see, I told you the universe was telling you not to get them)
2:12 PM: Well, I think I'm running slightly low on cocoa, so you may be contributing to a delicious chocolatey cycle :-)
<3
To be honest, I ought to be asleep instead of poking the Internet and finding beautiful things.
. . . . . entries for 9.3.10 . . . . .
I know this will be a good essay because I can feel it pulling me apart.
. . . . . entries for 8.3.10 . . . . .
Oh, I hope I can manage not to bomb my neuro exam too badly.
Midterms are upon us and I should be behaving accordingly, but I just redrew the map of the world in which my eventual fantasy novel will take place, and there is a new race and pirates and better world history and a place for tundra buggies and it will be so lovely, if I ever write it.
. . . . . entries for 7.3.10 . . . . .
So this application I'm writing asks me to imagine my life in 10 years and ramble about it for 150 words. I plan to write something along these lines:
-married to artificial intelligence expert, planning on having a child soon
-living in small city/suburb outside larger city in the Northeast (e.g., outside Boston or Pittsburgh), somewhere close enough to water so I don't go mad (e.g., half an hour's walk)
-master's degree in environmental studies and teaching from Yale
-professor at community college teaching psychology, specifically pushing for conservation psychology in curriculum, seeking to find and create students for whom service is a calling
-volunteer consultant for local green groups seeking low-cost, human-factor emissions reduction measures (or "nudges")
-contemplating the pursuit of a PhD in anthropology, psychology, or decision science, still dreaming of writing an ethnography of global decisionmakers' summits, which are now even more diverse but also far more functional than they were in, say, 2009 . . .
There is a lot I could write, but 150 words is not so much.
. . . . . entries for 6.3.10 . . . . .
Holy cow I have not accomplished enough yet today.
I feel so warm and fuzzy thinking about how my transcript - the classes I took as much as the grades I got - will reflect who I am.
Derp?
. . . . . entries for 5.3.10 . . . . .
The Great Immensity blog is up, but reading the first post that I wrote, I just wish I had editorial access so I could fix stuff. Its mania is cute but too manic. Sigh.
. . . . . entries for 4.3.10 . . . . .
Oh Jesus. Someone in my cog neuro lecture is playing Robot Unicorn Attack.
ALWAYS I wanna BE with you and make beLIEVE with you and there'll be HARmony HARmony OH love
. . . . . entries for 2.3.10 . . . . .
Notes to self: they are on your iCal, dork, you don't need to write them here too.
but GET SOME SLEEP
AT NORMAL SLEEPING TIMES
that is one you can always stand to hear one more time.
. . . . . entries for 1.3.10 . . . . .
I wonder if being a rapid-cycling bipolar patient, or maybe borderline or schizotypal, is like sleep dep and caffeine in the face of doubt and stress. Maybe. Maybe just for me.
I have another hour of class and it's been going well, but I still feel like falling on my bed and tearing my sheets to pieces. This too shall pass, I tell myself. This too is, at its heart, baseless.
I have stupid amounts of work to do for the next two weeks and some catch-up to do BUT I went to psych of thinking lecture and drank coffee to stay awake since I stayed up until 6 talking to someone I do not talk to much anymore. That, frustratingly, ended up being introspective and evaluative and do I need that a week before midterms? Fuck no. And yet - since when have I done what I've needed?
come home?
.:people:.
{ting}
she looks like the real thing
{mari}
out and about
[kelsey]
THIS IS AMERICA
{yianni}
stop being depressed
{alisa}
other
[shannon]
close and far
{frank}
islands where no islands should go
[cassie]
eating knowledge
{colin}
my dm
[emily]
shoulder to the wheel
[brian]
nostalgic for fantasy
[nicole]
industry insider
{elle}
angry enviro
[matt]
never heard of miyazaki
[pirate dan]
are you reading this?
[olga]
distracted
[messiah dan]
messiah/believer
{max}
approach focus
[natalie]
wait a minute
[susan]
solitude
{greg}
manbeargreg
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.:skin:.
turtles! turtles! by araglas
(heavily modified by yours truly)