. . . . . entries for 30.9.09 . . . . .
I think I have more realistic frames of reference than I used to? Maybe? I don't know?
I wish my mind would not run away with things, or I were not the type to give it things to run away with, though both together would be bad.
Oh, I have not missed this.
White people are starting to look weird to me. Not that any other ethnicity looks particularly normal - I'm just more aware of individual facial characteristics in those as pasty and a-ethnic as myself.
. . . . . entries for 29.9.09 . . . . .
"If there were some sort of emergency that compelled this revelation — a complicated science-fiction scenario in which thwarting an alien invasion demanded the intervention of some sort of heroic interstellar lesbian and your daughter were reluctant to step up, well, then perhaps you could announce, 'She is gay enough to battle the slime creatures and save the planet.'"
Oh wow.
. . . . . entries for 27.9.09 . . . . .
It's an exceedingly blargy kind of day.
. . . . . entries for 26.9.09 . . . . .
I also don't get how any affiliation with this flatters Anscombe - not in that Shivani was wrong, necessarily, but holy cow, that radio host is a jerk. Transparently, utterly, and abrasively. I personally find Anscombe to be quite a lot less offensive, generally speaking; for their own sakes, they ought not seek allies in characters like that host.
The first amendment discussion, especially, was terrible. No, the first amendment does not "require" porn films to be screened on college campuses - but to withhold state or federal funding from a school because it screens graphic material does seem to violate that text to me. To railroad one's opponent does one no favors amongst the thinking undecided set - though I guess that's a small set, all things considered.
I took a (surprisingly graphic, though I guess it shouldn't have been any great shock) look at the website of the "enemy" speaker's employer, Digital Playground, and it sure as hell does not look like it was designed "by women, for women." The graphic design clearly caters to men (black and red? a charging racehorse? come on), and sexually overcharged men at that - serious sensory overload on all fronts. So she was being pretty disingenuous, I think.
Man, the porn industry. If I think about it too much, I confess it makes me somewhat ill. There's an infidelity to it, an objectification and lack of art and feeling to it, that I would rather not incorporate into my conception of any person's psyche. Not that I've never touched it myself - better to admit to that, as I skulk aloud. Suffice it to say I haven't made a habit of that sort of morbidly curious behavior.
I'd like to have fMRI maps, I suppose, of where the "masturbating to porn" neuron fire ends and the "making love to one's partner" fire begins. It would be a tremendous relief to me if they were very far removed from one another, almost completely discrete; I would fear less, for myself or any woman, the prospect of comparison - of being seen through the same lens as some stage-lit, made-up professional with her legs open for the camera. She is not whole there, on the screen. I hope those who have seen her do not also eviscerate the people they're with, reducing them to surfaces and textures without feeling or content.
I don't think I do, which at least gives me hope that others don't, either. That, my social psych reading informs me, is quite the leap of cognition: to believe that others think and feel just as intelligently and empathetically as one's self - and to realize, also, that one's self isn't extraordinarily intelligent or empathetic in the first place. We're all operating on similar equipment. If we give ourselves the benefit of knowing our inner workings, then others assuredly deserve the benefit of the doubt.
It's a shame that my social psych reading can't tell my deeper brain structures that. My cortex gets it, but whatever turns my stomach doesn't.
So I just read this Daily Princetonian ad sponsored by the Anscombe Society, and a snarky response popped into my head. "So which romantic gestures don't constitute infidelity to a future spouse? Can you hold hands with someone you're dating? Hug them? Kiss, cuddle, go out on a date? . . ."
I tend to think sexuality is a bit more complicated than Anscombe gives it credit for, but I guess that should shock no one.
I wonder if Stephen Colbert reads Hark! A Vagrant. :P
. . . . . entries for 25.9.09 . . . . .
"A professor sits at a computer, attempting to write a paper.
The phone rings, he answers. It’s an administrator,
demanding a completed ‘module review form’. The professor
sighs, thinks for a moment, scans the desk for the
form, locates it, picks it up and walks down the hall to the
administrator’s office, exchanging greetings with a colleague
on the way. Each cognitive task in this quotidian
sequence – sentence-composing, phone-answering, conversation,
episodic retrieval, visual search, reaching and
grasping, navigation, social exchange – requires an
appropriate configuration of mental resources, a procedural
‘schema’ [1] or ‘task-set’ [2]. The task performed
at each point is triggered partly by external stimuli (the
phone’s ring and the located form). But each stimulus
affords alternative tasks: the form could also be thrown in
the bin or made into a paper plane.We exercise intentional
‘executive’ control to select and implement the task-set,
or the combination of task-sets, that are appropriate to
our dominant goals [3], resisting temptations to satisfy
other goals."
I really think I am likely to enjoy working memory lab. :P
Ladies and gentlemen, I am very weirdly employed.
. . . . . entries for 24.9.09 . . . . .
Holy cow, tomorrow is busy.
. . . . . entries for 23.9.09 . . . . .
So far this year, I feel somewhat too busy to be bored or depressed. I fear that will change as I have more and more reading and other work to do, for then the work itself may become boring and/or depressing.
Speaking of which (on the lots of reading, not depressing reading note), I gotta run to the library soon. READ READ READ READ
. . . . . entries for 22.9.09 . . . . .
I am really not thrilled with abnormal psych. Today's class included video footage of electroconvulsive therapy (old and new), insulin therapy, and lobotomy. I do not like watching such things - or being told that the period of time in which a family member got ECT was a dark spot on the map for that therapy, that no one was treated that way in that time. I do not like being lied to, or when people laugh at a classmate who fainted at the sight of a surgeon cutting connections, from one temple to another, between the frontal cortex and the rest of the brain.
I went to sleep quite freakin' early (for me, at least - 10, maybe?) last night, and only woke up (kindasorta) a couple times before 8:30 this morning. And I had some pretty weird, though not bad, dreams.
For abnormal psych, we can submit a dream for possible analysis in front of the class if we want to, but there's a condition: the dream has to be recurring and detailed. I've never had the same dream more than once, although settings and themes definitely recur. Last night was one of those recurring-settings-and-themes nights.
Probably my biggest recurring theme is water, generally representative of a challenge, from the mundane, conflated with social life, and somewhat annoying (swimming pools, accompanying locker rooms) to the very deadly serious (rivers, accompanying apocalyptic scenes or other pretty serious struggles).
That's weird, isn't it - that water should so often crop up as an adversary? I like water, whether I'm near, on, or in it. Though I did almost drown that one time.
Maybe there's some kind of baptism metaphor I should be looking for here.
. . . . . entries for 21.9.09 . . . . .
Man. I like the prelude to the second edition of The Gay Science in spite of myself.
Woo boy. Things are Happening tomorrow.
Holy cow, it got late fast. Oh well.
I went to the gym today! And I met with my advisor! And I went to Rocky for dinner the first time this year!
. . . . . entries for 20.9.09 . . . . .
Alas, poor lawnparties, I am not enthused. I just want to stay in, wear cozy things, and be moderately productive.
. . . . . entries for 17.9.09 . . . . .
I would like to take this opportunity to state, somewhat passive-aggressively and mostly for my own benefit, that the Tory's freshman issue article on "rethinking green" is quite a mixed bag of a thing, at best. Unfortunately, it's not online for me to show you all. In any case, I will begin with utterly wrong components:
Enviros do not like the dominant forms of offsets, and I'm not sure they ever have. Big ag likes those offsets (i.e., no-till). Other forms of offsets (e.g., organic ag, forestry in the third world) have merit in theory, and so enviros promote them - but only with stringent oversight, management, and verifying measures. Offsets have to be "real and additional" to work. The article's discussion of offsets shows that, while the writer has the right idea about the current system's (practically nonexistent) merit, he has no clue what the political and theoretical scene of offsets currently looks like.
Anthropogenic climate change's certainty is "unequivocal" according to a large collection of highly esteemed climate scientists who have taken part in the IPCC reports, and the vast majority of qualified professionals agree with them. Implying otherwise disregards the loss of life (and money, if those are more comfortable terms) that will ensue due to our past emissions. It also hampers political dialogue on how best to avoid that loss of life. So are climate deniers as egregiously wrong as Holocaust deniers? The levels of evil are not the same, but they may be comparable: the Holocaust involved millions of lives in the past, where they are easy to see. Climate change involves billions of lives in the past, present, and future, and those are hard to see.
To say that the economic impact of sustainability programs on financial aid students will be prohibitively large is to advocate for the status quo. It is to deny that we possess stocks and not merely flows of resources. It is to pretend the Earth can infinitely sustain our lifestyles because all resources are renewable. A voluntary carbon tax would not artificially inflate food prices; it would finally correct the radical deflation of carbon-intensive products. It would internalize an externality, our ignorance of which has been destroying the livelihoods of those on this planet - not just at this university - who have the least distance between themselves and utter desolation.
To imply that financial aid officers and other University employees would not see and plan for any changes in the cost of living to students and their families insults the intelligence and goodwill of those people. At best, this article is a wake-up call to the sustainability office to the effect that a) careful oversight must be taken, if it isn't already and b) many students don't understand these issues.
. . . . . entries for 16.9.09 . . . . .
To-do list today:
-I-9
-Labyrinth
-PSY orientation
-e-mail to advisor (groan at self for putting off)
-internship response and summary (more groaning at self for putting off)
-Nasslit meeting
-assistant cooking/nomming Greek food
-postering?
Hopefully I'll actually have time to do what I intend to at Labyrinth. o.O Foot-dragging. Ugh. I need a shot in the arm.
I get a bad feeling about abnormal psych - not that I won't like it, or won't find it interesting, but that the class itself will be ridiculous, a joke to most of its participants. Mental illness isn't really funny, and while we may cope with some tragic things by laughing, this time . . . it doesn't sit right.
. . . . . entries for 15.9.09 . . . . .
I wonder if I am perceptive about people, paranoid, or both.
In other news, I might be a psych lab assistant this year. Har har har.
Well, I just worked out where I would like all of my precepts to be. I hope *that* works out.
More weird dreams! Arg! Cool it, unconscious!
. . . . . entries for 14.9.09 . . . . .
Today I:
-Dreamt oddly
-Got my parking stuff and put it in the car, sadly failing to completely remove the old sticker to rather ugly effect
-Made a financial aid appointment
-Lunched at Thai with roommates + Alisa
-Went room-item-shopping with roommates + Alisa
-Went food shopping with roommates (sort of + Alisa?)
-Unpacked pretty much all the way
-Dined with Sir Daniel
-Fetched the mirror from the press building
I need/want time to decompress, but I am tired and worried about tomorrow, when I must:
-Contact my first JP advisor (which I started to do today, but was interrupted)
-Buy books, or at least order them
-Go to my financial aid appointment
-. . . and drop off my completed I-9 in the same building
-Design the PPN cover (which includes taking some manner of idyllic "typical Princeton" photo)
-Hunt for jobs
-Write in my final PEI summer experience thing? . . . I must've gotten that at some point, right?
I should also really:
-Start writing for the Eugenides class
-Make my presentation for the PEI colloquium
-Contact my EEB professor about writing that paper
-Write a thank-you note to PEI and print out my big report for them
So. Um. Blarg.
Tomorrow will probably be a long day, too.
Goodness gracious, long day has been long. And not even over.
Being back at school means WALKING
EVERYWHERE
. . . . . entries for 12.9.09 . . . . .
There is the issue of fireworks, too. In general, the extent to which one enjoys fireworks is not determined by the quality of the fireworks, which in and of themselves are "too long, with no story and no sex." In a bad mood, they remind me of human excess and disregard for the rest of the world.
The things that matter are a good view, a good mood, and good company. Tugboat noises help, but only when those first three things are present.
It's been a really long time since I've seen good fireworks.
I had intended, this afternoon, to blog something cute (if macabre) from the dialogue following the death of Brucie, Jr., my fish, but that was a long time ago and my family is not being cute anymore.
. . . . . entries for 11.9.09 . . . . .
Gems from "Dinosaur's Tale" in Stephenson's The Diamond Age:
"'How was your dinner, Anky?' we'd say, and he'd grumble something like, 'Tastes like iridium as usual,' and then we'd go another couple of days without exchanging a word."
or,
"'Reptiles are obsolete,' said the King of the Shews.
'Reptiles are just retarded birds,' said the King of the Birds, 'and so I am your King, thank you very much.'
'There's only zero of you,' said the Queen of the Ants. In ant arithmetic, there are only two numbers: Zero, which means anything less than a million, and Some. 'You can't cooperate, so even if you were King, the title would be meaningless.'"
My God, it's been a long time. And it seems we're only now returning to the reasons why, the hows of getting out.
You know, "the war on terror" is the only reason most Americans think about anything outside our nation's borders - except, maybe, tourism, and the occasional fear that China and India are going to ruin our little game somehow. That is not acceptable. We are too big to ourselves; we don't realize how big the world is. We put up our (literal, mechanical, mortal) defenses, but that's only treating the symptoms.
I am hopeful that this country will one day begin to treat the causes.
If you're reading this, take a moment to remember the first September 11th.
. . . . . entries for 10.9.09 . . . . .
There is something to be said for neglecting one's duties, lying around in a satiny robe and sateen sheets with an excellent book. Such dreams I had last night!
But - pangs of guilt as I remember: a woman my age in most other countries would definitely not have the leisure to do such a thing. I should probably get my act together, especially since, for all I read, I doubt I will ever have the ability to write like Neal Stephenson.
- and anyway, my not-so-distant-future scenario focuses on quite different phenomena.
Maybe I can pick up a few tricks from him, at least. The way he writes exposition, the way he introduces readers to the new widgets of his world, is quite good. Maybe I only think that because I've read it before, in the case of Diamond Age - I seem to remember being somewhat lost the first time through.
. . . . . entries for 7.9.09 . . . . .
You know that hot-cold prickly feeling your skin gets when you don't sleep enough? . . . well, I do. :P
Blarrrrg. Well. I am being taken out to a ball game today, so I am up early for a Yankee Trails bus. I am wearing a championship shirt from an era in which I was a more enthusiastic Yankees fan - under a hoodie, because the bus can get really freakin' cold.
. . . . . entries for 5.9.09 . . . . .
I wonder? It seems like, even amongst the folks at the International Research Institute for Climate and Society, people are absolutely focused on softening impacts to the developing world. That, by and large, is what they mean by "climate and society" - how does climate affect society?
But that's not what I'd want to go to grad school for. It's not my place in the enviro sphere. Unfortunately, it may take a hell of a lot of tracking down for me to find the people looking at society - broad society, public opinion, individual thoughts, feelings, decisions, actions - and its effects on climate.
Maybe the thing to do is to just go with my gut - the collective gut of a lot of "my kind," I think - and become an earth and/or environmental science teacher, pick up my master's along the way. But I'm not exactly cut out for that, either - at least, my transcript isn't.
I should actually do what I decided to do a few days ago, which is withhold thoughts on my future and judgment on myself until this semester is well underway. This semester could change a lot.
. . . . . entries for 4.9.09 . . . . .
I miss my boy.
come home?
.:people:.
{ting}
she looks like the real thing
{mari}
out and about
[kelsey]
THIS IS AMERICA
{yianni}
stop being depressed
{alisa}
other
[shannon]
close and far
{frank}
islands where no islands should go
[cassie]
eating knowledge
{colin}
my dm
[emily]
shoulder to the wheel
[brian]
nostalgic for fantasy
[nicole]
industry insider
{elle}
angry enviro
[matt]
never heard of miyazaki
[pirate dan]
are you reading this?
[olga]
distracted
[messiah dan]
messiah/believer
{max}
approach focus
[natalie]
wait a minute
[susan]
solitude
{greg}
manbeargreg
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.:skin:.
turtles! turtles! by araglas
(heavily modified by yours truly)