. . . . . entries for 30.6.09 . . . . .
So hey, I'll be twenty in a week. Weird. I don't anticipate any party-like things occurring, nor am I generally one who desires piles of presents. Two decades will roll around and right on by without much event, I think.
But if you want to get me things, keep in mind that I could always use more good music, important environmental/development books, courage, wisdom, focus, and silly dorky (webcomicky?) things such as are found on the Internet. I may very well be home then, but if you want to send things to where I am for most of the summer, ask for my address.
Phänomenal Egal is just so damn good.
Also - I think I've gotten to be a better writer in the past six months. That huge opus of a paper for ecology and civil society seems awful choppy to me now.
Three years, eh?
. . . . . entries for 29.6.09 . . . . .
You know, this has been a really weird and largely unhappy day so far. There are a few reasons, but only one I'll write about. The others are Personal or Family things.
I thought I was done with feeling strange for being quiet and introverted in this place, but no, I guess not.
Limoncello shots in the middle of the day, at the executive director's farewell lunch. One for me, too, although I said, explicitly, earlier that day - and those who ordered them must know - I will be twenty next week. It is illegal and no, it is not okay anyway. I'm at my freaking job. And I guess it's not that terrible for them to order one, just in case I want it, in case I'm the type who can't stand to feel left out and who can stand, instead, to lose myself - but it's not okay to press me, not even a little, if I say "no thanks." (I told you not one hour ago. I told you I'm turning twenty next week.) It's not okay not to take IDs.
I don't want to "adjust" to the parts of this that really unsettle me. But I don't think there's a place in this whole country, maybe anywhere where I'd otherwise be even moderately culturally comfortable, where just not wanting to drink (in the middle of the day, underage) is normal. Even among those to whom you'd expect excess of that nature to be unappealing. I don't understand it.
A glass of wine on my twenty-first - all right. Fine. Not this. This isn't what I signed up for here.
I do not like having a severely climate-skeptical uncle. I do not take issue with the uncle in general, you understand - just that quality of his.
The ice caps are melting, I remind myself. The permafrost grows slack and the reefs are bleaching. No great lot of hand-waving and pointing at recently declining global average temperature statistics can change that.
What if the skeptics are right? What if some great cabal of climatologists decided this would be a great joke, a great way to pull in research funding? We'd have a lot to laugh off.
Although, I note, atmospheric carbon dioxide doesn't just raise the temperature. Its absorption by the oceans causes a distinct lot of problems. And all the places we should go, the things we should do, if the consensus is actually a consensus - those things would still do good, even if their main prescribed effects of mitigation and adaptation were null.
So, as for laughing off . . . I think, if things go well, I'd have no problem summoning my good humor. But if we botch our risk-hedging, if we fail to possibly avert the probable disaster through our own halfassery and foolishness, then no one will be laughing. At least, not anyone worth entertaining.
. . . . . entries for 28.6.09 . . . . .
SO. Waxman-Markey passed, by a little. So now there must be Much Focus on what happens next.
This weekend I went to a Distant Worlds: Music from Final Fantasy concert with Kelsey and one of her co-interns. That was pretty awesome. And today, we went to Delaware, for a) the hell of it, b) tax-free shopping, and c) awesome ice cream. Very important trip. Clearly.
We raided VS in the last half hour the mall was open. The semi-annual sale happened to be on. Haha! Victory!
. . . . . entries for 26.6.09 . . . . .
Well, I have been sitting around monitoring the ACES stuff, albeit pretty loosely, and reading about the meeting in Bonn. Today is not going to be a "get stuff done" day in the writing sense, but in the being informed sense, yeah, sort of.
Today is probably not going to be good. I feel very very ungood, not physically, just otherwise. And I left my wallet in our room, and my metro card is out of juice, so Kelsey is going to bring it to me after she's done at her office. It may have been wiser to stick with the weekly pass, if only because then I would feel a constant impetus to be out, doing something, going somewhere, instead of an awareness of how much it costs.
Ugh. Not at that. Just at. . . things.
. . . . . entries for 25.6.09 . . . . .
"Interesting discussion. As a soil scientist, and one who has been involved in measuring changes in soil properties, I have read perhaps hundreds of journal articles on the effects of tillage. I also concur with the conclusion of the above-mentioned article–simply put, that no-till's value in increasing C sequestration is inconclusive.
What amazes me the most, however, is the quality of studies that end up in published literature. There are hundreds of studies on no-till vs. till that restrict the depth of measurement to some 15 cm, often less. I am stunned that fellow soil scientists could be so…'shallow.'" -John Wendt, in comments on climateprogress.org. (See this and for goodness' sake, read the comments - most useful thing I've found on this stupid issue yet.)
Giggles @ Wendt's punnery.
Also, yes, I guess. I think this is the next big controversy in ag/climate, the most current and pending one being indirect emissions.
Hurry up, Science! We don't have all week. This is too damn complicated for politics to deal with.
I think I should read this - but first I'm going to finish Admission (almost done!) and read either The Great Gatsby or the latest Pratchett book. Still, though - birthday idea or something. :P There are other important books of that nature that I'm missing from my repertoire - Mortgaging the Earth, maybe? - and if there's anything on social science for climate, I should read that.
This is worrying.
I was going to write to Rep. Peterson, but never did. I just sort of outlined what I thought I'd say, and started to write, but didn't finish. I wanted to tell him, among other things, that curbing climate change is a moral obligation, an imperative we can't ignore - it's a measure we take to protect unborn people, in the same sense that we try to make sure all children, even those belonging to parents who didn't plan them, have a shot at life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I need to learn more about scenario analysis, I think. Lately I have been seeing people using it in ways I don't think they should be using it, and psychologically, feeding arguments to a computer and reading the output and saying "this is it! the time is now! we must act!" based on that printout causes some serious issues for the majority of people.
. . . . . entries for 24.6.09 . . . . .
Well, I just sent this in at whitehouse.gov - not that anything will come of it, probably, but I felt like I had to say something.
President Obama,
You swore to stop business as usual in Washington and we - those of us who campaigned for you, who voted for you, who watch your administration now - believed you. Lately we've been watching you on the news, commenting on health care, on Iran, but only slightly - quietly - on the climate change and energy bill currently in the House. We have noticed. I, at least, am concerned that you have broken your promise.
Of all things politics could delay, this cause cannot afford it. I'm sure you know that. The compromise struck by Representatives Peterson and Waxman yesterday has frankly made a farce of this bill and the law it will become. To fail to account for indirect emissions from bioenergy production, as EPA has explained, is to make a decision with no relationship to good policy for the welfare of the cap-and-trade system and, ultimately, the world. Our agricultural system and the subsidies that support it are destroying the health of Americans, the biodiversity of our lands and waters, and the stability of our atmosphere. You have allowed yet another political handout of incredible size to pass into the hands of agriculturalists - and, again, I won't insult your intelligence by suggesting you don't know whose pockets that money lines.
I don't know just what the manager's amendment will look like, or already looks like, but I have a request of you. Please step in now and ensure that the EPA has an appropriate role in the offsets administration program, that the impact of this egregious, institutionalized accounting error may be minimized and excised as soon as possible. This delay in addressing the single greatest worldwide challenge we face is unforgivable. It is politics as usual. We are running out of time - the children of the next generation, who might live to see the effects of our inaction, are running out of time.
Good luck,
[me.]
. . . . . entries for 23.6.09 . . . . .
GO GO GO
. . . . . entries for 22.6.09 . . . . .
Man, the USDA still uses Lotus for some documents. AND they changed the slogans for Smokey (Only YOU can prevent wildfires! - okay, not that bad, but still) and Woodsy (Lend a hand - care for the land! instead of the classic Give a hoot - don't pollute!). What gives?
You know, when my birthday comes around, I will be older than Charlotte, and therefore probably doomed never to fulfill that secret dream of being the universally smoldering sex symbol - oiling her breasts in ancient Greece, posing for pinups in the 1940's.
Nope, I will not be nineteen anymore. Anywhere.
Why doesn't this city become nocturnal from May until September, when daytime temperatures tend to be miserably hot? (Not that they are today - it's amazingly pleasant out, or at least was when I walked/Metro'd in.) Think about it. That's a lot of office air conditioning eliminated.
ps. bother me to write to Chairman Peterson. Please.
. . . . . entries for 21.6.09 . . . . .
Since it is, now, Father's Day, I am tempted to put up the poem that I just wrote and sent home - if only because I am so full of that poem right now - but I think I will not. Maybe on the litblog at some point, but . . . not here, now.
- in other news, I am somewhat appalled by my ability to not notice, to forget, to lose myself in truly meaningless actions. To leave my phone on silent for hours.
I wonder when I'm going home. I hope it's soon.
Well, now that I've done everything aside from the important and immediate, I guess I'd better get down to that, eh?
. . . . . entries for 19.6.09 . . . . .
Two good pieces of advice I have received: one, remembered verbatim, the other (more recent, ironically) not.
The latter, which I may well follow, perhaps to southern Africa:
Try the Peace Corps, says my boss, Scott Hajost, because it's a great experience and a medium for instant understanding between environmental professionals.
The former - and I cannot tell you how much I cherish this, despite myself:
"Don't be too hard on yourself." -Mischa Gabowitsch
Today has been a good day for my self-esteem and general happines in this office, although not a great day for productivity. My boss values my work, I get along with my co-interns, and I learned how to make coffee - although now that I have figured out that I can bring tea and make it at work (shocking, I know), I doubt I'll use that skill.
I have wondered if this whole "you're very bright" thing from my boss is a clever ploy of some kind. But why should it be? Why should I think it could be? I want my head to calm down with that kind of thing. It is quite uncalled for.
I would like to find myself happy here, if only by accident, if only on the way to somewhere else.
The longer I'm here, the more I want to go to Yale for grad school and/or law school.
. . . . . entries for 18.6.09 . . . . .
The problem, I think, is that I am writing miserably detailed outlines instead of broad, paragraphed summaries of these articles in this journal my boss gave me to summarize. It is not boring, nor difficult, so much as mind-numbing. But it is what I am sticking with because a) it's how I started, b) I cleared it with him, and c) it has advantages, although I don't know if they're the ones my boss would be most concerned with - mostly just that lots of the facts, numbers, whatever are still in it.
Part of me wants to go home and work from there. There are pros and cons to this idea - probably more cons than pros, all things considered. But I miss the weather and the place and I would like to have a less scheduled summer, with less train travel, less time on the phone.
Whenever someone opens the door to come into the office, I can hear the squeaking hinges from my spot in the conference room, and the squeak sounds like a wolf whistle. I am still not used to it.
Also, abominably tired/unproductive today. Bad.
. . . . . entries for 15.6.09 . . . . .
I had a dream involving fighting big mechanical monsters. I don't really remember the plot beyond that, though.
And it would happen that this book I'm reading gets to be sort of romantic just as Frank leaves.
I did not play catch-up for work yesterday, or do my laundry, because the Eaglebucks machine on Tenley Campus is busted. Even the one sort of productive thing I did - enviroblogging - ended up being pretty mediocre, distracted-from. Blarg.
I really, seriously need to make myself focus and churn stuff out today.
. . . . . entries for 14.6.09 . . . . .
Oh dear. The donor description on EliteDonors right now matches me, kind of. :P Creepy.
Oh, I don't know what I want. I don't know. But someday, peace, maybe, and the ability to write things down that have been worth being there for. It is strange to think I might have such memories ahead of me. I have trouble with the good in things.
But one thing I remember - a time I don't ever want to forget - one of those times that Frank and I walked on the Colonie side of the bike path by the river, a bit more than two and a half years ago now, I suspect. Maybe the first time? We were walking back, and I don't know what he said, what we were doing exactly, but for a little while, all my concern, all my nervousness left me completely. We shoved each other onto the grass and laughed into the clean riverside air.
There is a Lock 7 here, and many other locks, alongside the Clara Barton Parkway. The jungle overgrowth along that road reminds me of home.
Why am I here, not there - why do I aspire - do I aspire? - to be someplace like this, perhaps, working on things like this? For all my purported cerebral-ness, I like doing banal things, yardwork and folding linens and stuffing envelopes. I don't yet know how to keep sight of a goal if it is not pointed out to me clearly; every time I have to rethink it, remember it.
Why I am here? - for the same reason I am anywhere. There is so much here, not just inside the Beltway or in America or even in my river valley, but on this planet, and there is so much potential, "yet undreamt."
But I need something else. I can have my "reasons for living," but they're not really enough. I need to like it. I need to feel okay at it, like it benefits from me and I benefit from it - I want to see it, verify it, not just let it go and believe in it.
We need to start teaching the mediators, the ones who will write the words spoken at Bonn and Copenhagen ("mainstream" - "adaptive co-management" - "institution-building" - "stakeholder dialogue" - "cultural diversity" - "sustainable development") on reality, not on paper. I wonder if I could do that - not mediate, but teach them, or help. I don't know. But I liked teaching, despite myself, kind of - I liked the motion, seeing those sparks of potential in surprising places, having fun with the kids.
I suspect I will keep changing. But this computer screen too often feels like a weird, 2-D prison.
Enviroblog is alive.
Busy busy at work. Waxman-Markey! Yikes! Not that I am good at being busy, or keeping up with Washington. Better get better, I guess.
And the Frank is now off to Chicago. Blarg.
And I guess I might be EIC of SiS next year. Huh.
. . . . . entries for 10.6.09 . . . . .
OMG, Waxman-Markey goes before ag TOMORROW. OMG OMG OMG
I CAN GO
I CAN GO SEE IT
. . . . . entries for 8.6.09 . . . . .
I am at work and drowsy - not soul-crushingly tired, like I was at times last week, which is good.
There is a Frank in the District, which is also good.
I was very distressed this morning to discover mold on my bread. How dare it! As a result I went to Potbelly's for lunch. I consume far too much Potbelly's here - at least it's conditioning me to subs?
On an unrelated note - oh, Indonesian palm oil. Oh woe. Oh woe.
. . . . . entries for 4.6.09 . . . . .
UNDEAD MECHANISMS.
Why doesn't Starbucks call the environmentally/socially responsible coffee it purports to buy organic or fair trade? What is this "responsibility" of theirs?
I am not exhausted. My director likes my direction. I am camping out in the conference room while intern-shuffling occurs, and there are lots of comfy chairs for sitting and feet-put-upping. I have a growing list of entries to write for Weed by the Wall. Tonight, I have to research in preparation for my meeting with Dr. King tomorrow, whereafter I will get my stupid braces adjusted and take Alisa and Frank (and Ting?) out for Thai.
And that is all there - floating around in the brain - but what made me write this is that this Mac from Whole Foods tastes like Riverview Orchard, like the place itself - like the freezer full of cider and donuts and more apples, and the hay maze, corn maze, wagon rides, old beehive.
Life is pretty OK.
. . . . . entries for 3.6.09 . . . . .
ps. I think I am the annoying undergrad intern in this office. Humbug.
pps. Still super tired. Evidently I need to go to bed earlier.
Mainstreaming! Mainstreaming! I swear, before this internship, I'd pretty much only heard "mainstream" used as a verb to describe Liz Phair's song Why Can't I.
Also, ag interests in our country are determining the future of our planet. Today.
If we don't get Waxman-Markey passed, and passed strong, Copenhagen will be crippled by our irresolution. Nothing meaningful will be settled. Nothing significant will be done. We can't afford to fuck around like this, frankly - for our own industries, for farmers abroad, for China and India, for the billions of unborn human beings whose lives will be taxed by the sacrifice we refuse to make now - we must pay up. Now.
Maybe I should revive Weed by the Wall.
. . . maybe I should write to the White House. Obama reads ten random letters from worried Americans every night. Maybe I'd get lucky.
One of the major relevant differences between research for Dean's Date papers and this internship is that, here, I feel way more guilty about blogging to tell you all how cool my research is. That's kind of weird, when you think about it.
Cool thing that I'm guilty of telling you about at the moment: IFAP (what a godawful acronym - it's International Federation of Agricultural Producers) had a conference about a week ago about how agriculture needs to be integrated into the Copenhagen agreement. There is a shiny and short PDF on it, which I have, and which is probably up on the website. Maybe it is just I (me?) that finds this stuff so cool, but anyway, take a look if you're at all interested in this sort of thing. Agriculture may be - *hem* - more important to this whole boondoggle than IFAP wants to admit.
I caught Kelsey on the HUUUUGE escalator up to Tenleytown today - we must've been on the same train - and we visited the car (which was doing well), fetched Netflix from our mailbox, got ice cream near Dupont Circle, watched A Day in the Life of the West Wing, and saw Lady Jane, which was pretty good but long and inconsistent volume-wise.
And now I sleep. Peace.
. . . . . entries for 2.6.09 . . . . .
I would also like to point out that definitely more people than just the director and his assistant read my application stuff - at least two other people in the office have mentioned its contents. Really weird. Kind of exposing? Oh well.
I continue to be unreasonably low-energy and watching the clock. Bad. Bad.
meeeeeee
eeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeee
mmmmeeeeEEEEEEDIATOR
Well, I am taking a sort of pseudo-lunch break, reading about dinosaurs on the BBC website and wishing I were not so sleepy and sit-stillish. Last summer I learned that I don't do sitting still well, and yet - and yet.
Yes, last summer had the advantage of, whatever was amiss with it, never really feeling like school. This is distinctly schooly, which I guess introduces the question "so Erin, what are you going to do with your life?"
Oh well. Three-ish more hours, then "home" for dinner (who knows what? pasta maybe? Very Suspect Thai?) and maybe more/different research for Dr. King, with whom I might meet up this Friday before my appointment.
I think this will get less schooly as I know more what I'm going to do. Next week, f'rinstance, there is a coffee briefing on Capitol Hill - with legendary Georgetown cupcakes, which I have not yet tried - on possible implications of current biofuel stuff. That should be neat.
It is ridiculous how young and inexperienced I am compared to everyone else here, fellow "research fellows" included.
. . . . . entries for 1.6.09 . . . . .
My first day at work was pretty okay. I'm kind of explained out about it, since I've talked to so many people, but here we go:
All my co-interns are older-than-me extroverts. They're friendly and nice, even though they find me weird because I'm quiet and observant instead of loud and conversational. :P We all went out to Potbelly's (pretty good!) for lunch, and got free sandwiches because one of my coworkers had a certificate.
Well, not all of them are super extroverted. One of them is a young South Korean lady (20-something? maybe almost 30?) who laughs at EVERYTHING. I like her. And the young German-by-way-of-Sweden lady with whom she shares an office.
Explaining to people that I'm a psych major with certificates in environmental studies and creative writing is pretty funny and awkward. :P
I might end up kind of working with a law student and law graduate on current on stuff with current climate legislation. My focus on national policy will probably be ag stuff. On international issues, I'll probably be looking at forest conservation and management (REDD! and horrible puns!) and dryland adaptations to climate change.
So I have a lot of reading to do, basically, and some reports to write.
A bunch of the staff are gone this week in Bonn, Germany, for some manner of conference. So I have shacked up in the office of someone who works on ocean stuff, and there are pictures of sea creatures everywhere, and a mobile of cute whales.
The executive director is leaving in July. EEK.
come home?
.:people:.
{ting}
she looks like the real thing
{mari}
out and about
[kelsey]
THIS IS AMERICA
{yianni}
stop being depressed
{alisa}
other
[shannon]
close and far
{frank}
islands where no islands should go
[cassie]
eating knowledge
{colin}
my dm
[emily]
shoulder to the wheel
[brian]
nostalgic for fantasy
[nicole]
industry insider
{elle}
angry enviro
[matt]
never heard of miyazaki
[pirate dan]
are you reading this?
[olga]
distracted
[messiah dan]
messiah/believer
{max}
approach focus
[natalie]
wait a minute
[susan]
solitude
{greg}
manbeargreg
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.:skin:.
turtles! turtles! by araglas
(heavily modified by yours truly)