. . . . . entries for 29.12.08 . . . . .
I wish I hadn't told anyone anything about this paper or the possibility that I could be involved in my professor's research next semester. The prospect of writing it is completely overwhelming, and I can never focus on research for more than an hour or two before I realize "wtf I'm focusing" and completely lose my focus - or just drift away. Concentration is not a matter of place. It is a matter of people. I have to be around other people who are stressed out as all holy hell for anything like concentration to work. And I thought I'd have to buckle under the lack of someone to distract me happily and utterly tomorrow, but I don't think that's going to work.
In short, blog, your author is distressed to the edge of dramatic and teary-eyed. This is not what break is supposed to do. It is not what important and meaningful work is supposed to do either. I wish, a little, that I had not ended up here, where I want things to be meaningful. I know so many people who find the notion of meaning in work absurd. What is it like to think that way? It must be boring, but it must be easier.
. . . . . entries for 25.12.08 . . . . .
Merry Christmas, blogreaders. I now have, among other exciting things, a digital camera! So there may be many silly facebook albums forthcoming. Or maybe I will inexplicably become artsier. I dunno.
. . . . . entries for 19.12.08 . . . . .
I think Captain Jack Sparrow has the kind of effect on me that Dr. Gregory House has on some people. He is so horrible yet so wonderful. I almost want to grow up to be like him, as poetical and absurd and occasionally feeling.
Bright and early tomorrow, I make the long trek out to the end of my driveway to be whisked off by one Mama O to Rochester, where I will fetch something of great importance to me this holiday season. Excited? Perhaps. Since I just saw the third Pirates movie again, though, I almost wish there were a maelstrom from which to save him, or something.
. . . . . entries for 18.12.08 . . . . .
Facts in the case:
-Juno is an adorable movie.
-I have been sleeping, what, 9ish hours a day? More?
-I have been doing silly things instead of focusing on my paper.
-I hypothesize that these silly things somehow benefit my mental health, that I need to unwind and sleep a lot because I was pretty tightly wound and deep in sleep deficit when I came home, but I still feel guilty.
. . . . . entries for 17.12.08 . . . . .
I am home! Well - not exactly. I am at NBN, because home has power and phone but no cable or Internet yet. Hopefully the latter will be rectified by this evening.
. . . . . entries for 13.12.08 . . . . .
Holy cow has today ever been weird. Alone in a quad is a strange way to be.
. . . . . entries for 12.12.08 . . . . .
I am very sleepy, but it is a silly hour to nap or to go to bed. So I am here, on my blogz, updatin u on my lifes.
There is a bigass power outage up north, where I am going for break. It is worse at my house in particular because our very own power (and cable) lines have been knocked out by a tree. So God only knows when there will be Internet or electricity or heat or a working stove. This does provide a compelling excuse for a roaring fire, but my Top Snugglers (Frank and Cassie) won't even be home until a week from today, and I wanted to work on my paper before they showed up and commenced with their warm cuddly distraction.
So maybe I'll stay here until Sunday, possibly Monday, to work and Christmas shop and wait for heat to return to my home. :P Freaking ice storm. So inconsiderate. I must make this paper SO LEGIT - 400 LEGIT. It will not do to put it off until reading period.
. . . . . entries for 11.12.08 . . . . .
I am alive, in case you were wondering, and I am driving home this Saturday. Erin is busy busy, and I doubt break will be the three-week-long hot tub soak we collegiate types all need right around now. The first week, especially, I need to be working on my WWS/EEB paper. Oh well! It will still be good.
Today high school-like silliness of the order of the day, so far as my mode of dress is concerned. No hyper-matching per se, just a smidgen of ludicrous impracticality (stretchy plaid corset) and creative fashioning (my brown shirt dress thing used . . . um . . . creatively. right). It could be much more ridiculous than it is.
SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED TO LET THESE THINGS OUT
YOU KNOW!?
. . . . . entries for 7.12.08 . . . . .
Politicking going down at Princeton this day. Oh boy.
It snowed a little last night, which made me happy. There was a right and proper dusting on everything until the sun rose, at which point most of it melted away. Kelsey-from-Michigan is not satisfied and refuses to count this as snow. It is at least bitterly windy and cold enough to qualify soundly as winter in my book.
I have a column to write this day, and a lot of reading to do, and some commenting to do, and ideally a lot of research and work on my final paper for WWS and EEB to do. I think I shall do some reading first.
My second EEB paper went well! :)
And lastly: I've been very content this weekend. Open Mic Night was fun, the mall was productive (and it was nice to see the whole town out for Christmas shopping), snow and a short night walk in it made it feel like proper winter, and the lights in the dining hall, the shade of blue of the windows reflecting sky - these things make me feel cozy, as though a green fire were roaring at my feet. And soon, one will be. And I will have a Frank, and a Cassie, and the rest of my eccentric friend-and-family collection back home.
. . . . . entries for 4.12.08 . . . . .
Also, regarding WWS: the last time people seemed so certain I was a shoe into something, it was United World College, and I got an interview before they rejected me. Hm. False hope.
We had our last psych lab, barring the lab exam next week, this morning. I will not miss it.
One of my friends who lived in my same building last year may think I am out to get him now, due to inquiries after applications and the (innocent! ignorant!) presence of allergens. Oops. I will have to be nice to him and not overly curious or peanut butter-bearing in the near future.
I did not sleep last night. True fact. I don't feel nearly as bad as one might expect.
I'm just saying: the inanity of this lab makes it very difficult for me to take the assignment seriously, let alone focus and do well when I could be up to more important, productive, and enjoyable things, like goofing off with my roommates.
. . . . . entries for 3.12.08 . . . . .
Note also that, tonight, sleep would feel irresponsible. (PSY lab, ENV reading, PPN decision-making.)
Correction: the very stroke of 7:30. Also, I did not get into WWS 334, and pretty much all the ENV classes then are closed as well. My two PSY classes, one SOC/ANT, and one ECO are all in order, though.
Applying for JRN (or a couple of JRNs) and hopefully on the WWS waitlist.
It is terribly early to be up selecting classes when one cannot actually sign in until the very stroke of 7 (apparently). Looking at the computer screen bleary-eyed is *odd.*
. . . . . entries for 2.12.08 . . . . .
Holy cow, what an amazing talk that was. I wouldn't have known about it - the panel on U.S. aid during hard times earlier this evening - had my dear editor and publisher not recruited me to write a column on it. Thank God they did - I can probably even use it for my Big Damn Paper (essentially a J.P. - yikes) this semester.
By the time I graduate, I suspect I will be Rather Damned Educated.
I have a Veritable Horde of things to do, in the spirit of Capitalized Things. I do not feel particularly as though the horde includes sleep, unfortunately. On top of schoolwork, there is PPN, as implied by my presence at the WWS panel, and on top of PPN writing there is PPN postering and deciding whether or not I will run for publisher. I am waffling, and have until Thursday to decide and answer five questions on which basis the staff will vote.
If only I were more type A. Then maybe I'd feel less inward dread about all this doing. Sure, I like the idea of doing, of being useful, but its prospect nevertheless looms, and in its shadow I want to retreat into a cozy, well-lit shell and forget.
If ever the responsibility of motherhood falls to me, I will train my kids not to be so timid. Timidity is a terrible thing.
. . . . . entries for 1.12.08 . . . . .
I hope I can take a language class somewhere in D.C. this summer. It feels rather lame not to be at least keeping up with German here, where so many people are learning Chinese or Arabic or other rather damn useful languages. I think maybe I might take French.
come home?
.:people:.
{ting}
she looks like the real thing
{mari}
out and about
[kelsey]
THIS IS AMERICA
{yianni}
stop being depressed
{alisa}
other
[shannon]
close and far
{frank}
islands where no islands should go
[cassie]
eating knowledge
{colin}
my dm
[emily]
shoulder to the wheel
[brian]
nostalgic for fantasy
[nicole]
industry insider
{elle}
angry enviro
[matt]
never heard of miyazaki
[pirate dan]
are you reading this?
[olga]
distracted
[messiah dan]
messiah/believer
{max}
approach focus
[natalie]
wait a minute
[susan]
solitude
{greg}
manbeargreg
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.:skin:.
turtles! turtles! by araglas
(heavily modified by yours truly)