. . . . . entries for 31.5.05 . . . . .
Caffeeeeiiiine! <3
Why yes, I *do* have an absurd amount of work. I'm going to get going on that now. My apologies if I am brusque over the intrawebs this evening; blame my teachers, my mother, my classmates and, if all else fails, blame me.
Carrie Fish(c?)er. Mmkay. Looked her up. I am so very behind on pop culture, it's actually pretty pathetic. xD Oh well. I kind of see where Cas is coming from on that, but it's rather far-fetched, and I don't think I'd look *quite* like that in her Java-slave costume. >.>
. . . . . entries for 30.5.05 . . . . .
Oh man, I almost forgot! In art class, last Friday, I had this revelation. Rachel just reminded me that I need to blog about it.
Baby, you've *gotta* come over and see my etchings. ;)
. . . and furthermore, thanks, Dan, for finding it. xD
Thanks, Vera, for getting me the song that has been haunting my life, and now lives in my sidebar along with the rest of my soooouuul.
Wow, today has been *amazing.*
Okay, so first of all I was out with my mother, looking for a windbreaker for my dad. This is not as easy as it sounds, at least not at this time of the year when windbreakers are apparently "out of season." o.O Mmkay, whatever.
Anyway, my dear mother kept on suggesting these weird places to have lunch, and I was like. . . no mom. Stop being cracked out. Eventually, though, we ended up going to one of these places: Nothing But Noodles. It's a new proto-chain in this area, I guess, and ohmygod. It's so good. O.O Go there. Do it. Do it! I recommend the red Thai curry soup, personally. Oh man. Love the curry.
. . . so yeah, there was that. Then we finally found the damn windbreaker, and we also stopped by Coconuts. The only way today could've been more remarkable, given our itinerary, would have been if they'd had the FFX-2 soundtrack. But alas! they did not.
We got back home not too long ago, and I resumed reading Call of Cthulhu and my mother resumed her cleaning spree. And she found my FAVORITE SHIRT EVER. <3 It's a black mockneck sweater with a big red heart on the front. I love it. A lot.
So. I'm happy. xD How's *your* Memorial Day going?
. . . . . entries for 29.5.05 . . . . .
Oh *man* am I ever obsessed with the Pixies lately. Last Friday, it was Subbacultcha, and today it's U-Mass. University. . . of Massachusetts, *please!* Oooohhh man. xD
Yeah, as Susan and my mother can tell you, I had that stuck in my head for several hours today as we watched The Interpreter. Nicole Kidman continues to be gorgeous, even moreso thanks to her unkempt, utilitarian look. Mmm, Nikki, you almost look like me when you dress like that. xD
Yes, finally got Susan to blog the awesome picture. xD There are a couple pretty shots of her on her blog, too, along with assorted crewies, so check it out.
Bio bio bio.
So, as a substitute for the D&D session which I thought would take place today, I've been reading The Best of H.P. Lovecraft - specifically, the Call of Cthulhu. It has made for a surprisingly interesting day thus far. Lovecraft is another author, like Dickens, whose style is quite palatable once one has gotten used to it.
It's funny, because a very improbable thing just happened, which seems connected with my reading of this book. The song Monkey Gone to Heaven by the Pixies has, ever since I acquired my copy of Lovecraft's best of, reminded me of Cthulhu and the other Old Ones. It runs like this:
There was a guy
An under water guy who controlled the sea
Got killed by ten million pounds of sludge
From New York and New Jersey
This monkey's gone to heaven
The creature in the sky
Got sucked in a hole
Now there's a hole in the sky
And the ground's not cold
And if the ground's not cold
Everything is gonna burn
We'll all take turns
I'll get mine, too
This monkey's gone to heaven
If man is 5,
Then the devil is 6,
And if the devil is 6
Then god is 7
This monkey's gone to heaven
So. I had this song stuck in my head, with a vengeance, when I turned on my computer a few minutes ago. I brought up iTunes and pressed play and, if you know me, you know I always have my random-ass playlist on shuffle mode.
Up came Monkey Gone to Heaven. There are 989 songs in my iTunes library.
And, in other Lovecraft-related news: I have determined that Nietzsche was a Cthulhu cultist. It all makes sense now.
. . . . . entries for 28.5.05 . . . . .
And I say unto you: perhspd.
Er. Haps. I totally meant haps.
PERHASPID, BITCHES!
So. Today, while lovely, was pretty impressively fucked. Enough said.
Someone remind me on Tuesday to ask Lyndsi about her birthday party. I think it is this coming weekend, and involves swimming. I hope I'll be around. o.O SAT II weekend, whoo.
Also: today I had a problem with repetitive phrases in my head. Like, "I want to die," "I want to get out," et cetera, et cetera. It's weird, because usually I really don't find my emotions that easily articulated. It was so clean-cut. Just, "I want to die. I want to get out. I want to die." Strange indeed.
Also also: My life is bipolar. Not me. Just my life. There is the good and the bad and very little in between. Humbuggity bug.
It's a lovely night. On a night like this, I'd love to slip out and go for a nice, long, moonlit walk. Hum. I'll file it away for a more convenient time.
It has been an absurdly beautiful day, and the sky promises thunderstorms later. Mmm, my favorite sort of weather. We haven't had proper thunder and lightning and torrential rain in a long time.
This is the weekend of chillaxing, studying for SAT IIs, and D&Ding. Wheehee!
. . . . . entries for 27.5.05 . . . . .
And I reiterate: springtime is beautiful.
No, really. It is. (This is my second-favorite picture of the batch, next to me being pretty and pseudoCatholic, and the last I shall post.)
Hey, *I* thought I looked beautiful in this picture. Maybe that was just compared to the other Naughty Catholic Schoolgirl shots, which are risque at best and a little bit creepity. xD
This is my cat. His name is Max, and he is insane.
My yard is, in fact, a gorgeous place in the springtime. I have pictures to prove it!
So yeah, my class has proven they are sheep after all. Oh well. Like Cas said, more time to sleep for Erin. I have tons and tons of personal gripes about my losing the election, but then, I guess anyone would. I'll spare you. If you live 'round here you've heard them already, or at least one or two.
It's the weekend. Whoa. -.- . . . I will sleeeeeeep. Zzz.
Also: Elle is currently reeducating me on the operatic voices. xD Thank you, Elle. Maybe I don't hate all operatic sopranos after all.
. . . . . entries for 26.5.05 . . . . .
What is it about operatic sopranos that is so remarkably intolerable? I mean, I don't mind other sorts of operatic music, and non-operatic sopranos (like Loreena McKennitt, yay) can have extraordinarily beautiful voices. But. It sounds. So. So. . . shrieky. I don't understand why. o.o
Yeah, this was brought on by my listening to my Canadian Celtic stylings during study hall today. I have so much Loreena McKennitt, I really would do well by myself to like it more. xD
So I guess we get the results tomorrow. Whoohoo. Now: I sleep. -.- Oh so tired.
So yeah. I'm in here for like. . . two seconds. Going to go harangue people to vote. Grar. WHY AREN'T YOU VOTING RIGHT NOW!?
. . . . . entries for 25.5.05 . . . . .
Elections tomorrow, and I only have one thing to say about that: remember to bring in your student ID cards and vote during the lunch mods. To quote my opponent's speech of last year, "just vote." Don't care if you vote for me, but for Christ's sake, vote. Apathy is consuming our country all too quickly, but it doesn't have to consume NHS!
Mwa. So. Other than elections. . . I do believe the CTKs are off singing prettily in concert right now, so I hope they're enjoying themselves.
Other than elections and theatre kids: I got a ridiculous amount of compliments on my springy yellowy green outfit today. Too bad I'll be mauve and boring tomorrow. xD Also got way more support for my candidacy than I thought I would, which is more related than one might think. Dress for success, I always said. :P Just ask anyone. I've always said that.
This week suddenly seems much less busy than I thought it was. I think this is a temporary insanity curable by tomorrow, so we'll see.
. . . . . entries for 24.5.05 . . . . .
Campaignlike things go surprisingly well. One thing I cannot say enough already, and it's not even other with,
THANK YOU.
Everyone who's been talking up my candidacy deserves a big thank you. So. Thanks. You rock my socks (much more than I rock yours).
Tomorrow being my sole day of real campaigning, I am going to go nuts with it. Oh yes. My sister gave me an awesome idea for an impromptu poster which I can't pass up. I think I'll draw it and stick it someplace obvious for people to behold tomorrow. So busy. xD It's a good kind of busy, I have decided. It will be amazing if I actually win. But. . . I probably won't.
Oh well. What's life if not the journey?
Whoo, Rohit just had me take a Worschatz test. Yay.
Anyway. I figured it's about time I put my reading list into writing. These are some books I really, really need to get 'round to.
Cryptonomicon (Neal Stephenson)
Going Postal (Terry Pratchett)
American Gods (Neil Gaiman)
War and Peace
and I know I've forgotten some. I fail. xD Oh well.
. . . . . entries for 23.5.05 . . . . .
Nicole is totally freaking amazing. o.o Check out her LJ thing. Whoa marquees!
Okay, so now the question is: what the hell is going on this week? xD
I don't know either. Okay. Let's take this day by day.
Monday: That's today! Today I brought in my pink and green posters and put them up. Exciting. So now everyone knows I'm running. I also cut my nails an hour or so ago, and am surprisingly unappalled at my temporarily short fingers. :P They're kind of. . . cute. Weird. Debate pizza party later tonight, too.
Tuesday: Busy busy. Going in early - like, 6:45 early - for proof review. Because I suck at proofs. Woo. Extended homeroom for my speech, along with all of the other candidates'. Model U.N., for which I will be the youthful, pink-and-white wearing, unveiled, *female* Iran representative. The irony is so terrible. So, so terrible. Then, then, mandatory Youth Court meeting in the Little Theatre to elect club officers. Not sure who I'm voting for - it's Manisha or Neal, I know as much.
Wednesday: A normal day. I think. Maybe another review session, maybe not.
Thursday: If ~r (when r is review session) for Wednesday, then r is true for Thursday. Also: jury duty in the evening.
Friday: Biology day. I have a quiz and a presentation to do. I have no fucking idea how I am going to get this presentation done. No, really. *No fucking idea.*
And I probably forgot something. Woo. The weekend will probably entail more campaign-related things. . . like pamphlets with chocolates in. Delicious.
. . . . . entries for 22.5.05 . . . . .
I wish I knew Temujin and Mao. On a personal level. Their wives, too - I want to know them, and why they did what they did. I want to know what motivated them and how they felt about their. . . for lack of a better word, accomplishments.
In an ideal world, they'd tell me: we were just like you. Since this is not an ideal world, I think it's better that I do not, in fact, know Temujin and Mao, and am instead free to imagine that they were the kind of people I could relate to. o.O So unlikely it hurts.
Anyway. Tomorrow I bring in the posters. Hopefully Nicholson will sign off.
I do not like campaigning. This whole affair is really, truly, honestly making me want to slink into a dark corner and become a renowned political science professor at a small but academically superior college somewhere *instead* of, you know. . . taking over the world. Taking over the world is going to be such a fucking hassle. Ugh. I'm sure someone wants it more than I do, I just fear they may want it for all the wrong reasons, and *that* would be a damn shame.
. . . . . entries for 21.5.05 . . . . .
Fireworks were pretty, and there was much mass-snuggling, which was nice to see, even if I was not so involved in it. SEX IS BAD. NO MORE SEX. Some people just don't listen. xD
And yeah. No use writing what I was thinking during the fireworks, because you are imaginative folk and you know me well - I'm sure you can figure it out for yourselves.
My mother is taking me out "campaign clothes" shopping at some point in the near future. xD I am infinitely amused by this idea. Trendy clothing ahoy - if I cannot make the sheep prove that they are not, in fact, sheep, but goats (which need to be led, not herded), then I will implore the sheep to follow me, because damn, I look rather sheeplike myself.
Thrilling. Yes.
What else. Niskaday today, wheehee. See you guys in an hour or so.
. . . . . entries for 20.5.05 . . . . .
I'm glad it's the weekend. xD Tonight, at least, I can chill. I actually got enough sleep last night, too, which was pretty cool and will probably never happen again. In study hall tonight, I was awake/inspired enough to draw something. For once. A lot of people think of me as very artsy, and I suppose I am, when someone tells me to be. Lately I've felt different, though. Maybe I'm becoming a doodling type again.
Okay, so here's what's going on. The gang (and by gang I mean collection of funky-ass people) is meeting by "the rock" tomorrow at 11 AM. We'll hang out, Shannon will play for jazz band, I'll leave early and see Frank off to his prom, then come back for fireworks.
On Sunday, there shall be a poster party. And it shall be good. Damn good. I expect to see at least Colin and Natalie there, possibly Greg, Shannon, Tina, and anyone else who cares to drag themselves to my humble abode for postermaking. (And Colin, it's fine if you don't want to come, since you are my Photoshop man and we will mostly be rocking the paper-and-pencil for this.) Thanks in advance for rocking my world, kids.
All day, I've heard a lot of one thing. "You know you have no chance, right?" "It's just a big popularity contest." Well, yeah. I know I have no chance. I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose to Dutcher. It's a shame.
I would really, really like to be proven wrong, though. I want my class to prove to me that they're not sheep. I want to prove they're intelligent people who won't just choose the guy who cracks a stupid joke during his speech. I, being the pompous bastard what I am, do not think my class can do this. I don't think they're up for the challenge of thinking independently. If they aren't, then they just don't deserve me. :P
But wouldn't it be nice if they were?
. . . . . entries for 19.5.05 . . . . .
So. Who wants to come to my house in between Niskaday and fireworks to make posters for my exhalted campaign? :P After I switched to President, I got a very mixed reaction. A couple people said "you'll never beat Dutcher," et cetera, et cetera, but a few agreed with me that Dutcher needs to get the hell out. So. I don't know. Regardless: I'M DOING IT. Rar, that wasn't meant to be caps lock, but I kind of like it. o.o . . .
No homework to speak of this evening or, anyway, none that I plan on doing because I feel like *such a slacker* lately it's stupid. I think one or the other of us has to be irresponsible, or the feng shui of the relationship is thrown off. I liked it better when it was not me. :P
Okay, so I have been foolishly making a liar out of myself quite a lot lately. First: changed ambitions, and am now running for class president, since I hadn't heard of anyone running against Dutcher. So there's that.
And also: I forgot a very important picture! I don't particularly like it, but Vera took it and seemed to be quite taken with the image at the time. So here it is, my dear ladypillow. Enjoy.
. . . . . entries for 18.5.05 . . . . .
Y'know, you'd think I'd do my damn homework with no boy to distract me, but noooo. I goof off anyway. -.- What's wrong with me?
Oh man, class office-ishness is going superbly. xD Speech written, slogan selected. All systems are go.
>.> Ninja sidebar change!
Amusing incident from English class this morning: I told Colin that Sir Charles was all grounded-like due to not doing his homework, specifically chem labs. Colin, being crazy, immediately piped up with how much he loved his chem labs. I suggested he help Charlie sometime. That would be hilarious, I have decided. They'd invent a new, ridiculous song about some chemical equation or other, or possibly just rant about curry the entire time.
In any case.
We were discussing the short story The Pedestrian in class today, in which a lone man walks the streets of a creepy, futuristic society in which a nightly stroll is so unusual, it's a crime (based on present-day Los Angeles, I kid you not). Within the story, there was absolutely no explanation for why he behaved as he did when he *must* have known the consequences. Alex Goldberg and I decided he must've been insane, while most of the class agreed that he was the only sane man in an insane world. Blah, blah, blah.
What struck me was Colin's comment, which I found utterly adorable - why I actually remembered it throughout the school day. I usually forget such things.
He said that certain people were destined to be rebels and that, no matter how intelligent or talented they are. . .
"Some people will just never do their chem homework."
So, I'm running for Vice President of my class. O thrill, yes? Exactly. -.- I have to have a minute-long speech written by Friday morning, upon which I may or may not be going to one of the district's elementary schools to give a presentation on Law Day. To a hundred and fifty fourth and fifth graders. Good times. o.O
Sleepy, and Charlie-deprived. Humbug.
So, I need to ship the Binghamton kids up here between school getting out and now, since ideally I'll be running off to camp at Mikey's (or what have you) for a week during the summer. :P If no one else, Dan and Vera must be met by the Niskayuna kids. For preference, Kate, Megh, and Mikey would come too. Charlie is optional. We all know I'm just using him for his hot friends anyway. There's no point in denying it anymore. >.>
Verily.
. . . . . entries for 17.5.05 . . . . .
Eek! Sorry, Mikey. You look so charming here, too. xD Funky hair and all.
Nope, I lied - this is the last one for real.
Good times.
Last one, probably - we all look very peaceful here. Serendipitous, perhaps - that or euphoric, whichever sounds prettier.
And naturally, it would be a crime to forget Megh the terminally adorable. A crime, did you hear that, guys!? Christ, stop forgetting Megh! Just because she's short doesn't mean she doesn't have feelings!
This picture, while very similar to the last one, makes me happy because I look weirdly pretty in it. Yay.
One of my favorite pictures of the weekend, if not the very one. Most of my favorites involve Veronica. o.o She makes pictures prettier.
Dan was getting bored of seeing pictures from a show he did not go to. So. Here he is, in all of his silly glory.
You creepy sons of bitches. o.O
And then there is the hair. Charlie, Mikey and Kyle got the back half of their heads bleached for the show, and this is why.
What a lovely choker Charlie is wearing.
Sir Michael and Sir Charles, stunning as always in facepaint and "avant garde" garb. In spite of the inherent weirdness of the paintjob, I think these two actually do look rather dashing. The pink eyeshadow suited Mikey quite nicely, among other things.
I absolutely love this picture of Charlie and Dan, although I look rather a) buried and b) out of it. xD Too bad. What the fuck was going on here?
I'm so emo, I cry stars!
I think Charlie looks quite stylish in my mother's old bellyshirt, personally. xD Not to mention the scarf. I hope this doesn't scar Cas or anything. o.O
If you are wondering what that thing in the foreground is, you're not alone. It took me a moment to figure it out myself - hence the name of the picture. xD
I think I am more fond of this picture than most of you can easily understand. xD Oh silly artsy side. Shut up, shut up, shut up!
So, the pictures are here. This is the only one that wasn't shot in Binghamton itself - it's a scene on the way that I'd noticed on several trips prior, and had to get a picture of, in case it is no longer there sometime. Pretty.
Text messaging is actually ridiculous. o.O
Any which way. Pictures shall be gotten today, within the hour, so I am looking forward to that quite a bit. I hope they turned out well. It would be a shame to have no spiffy photographs of such an unbelievably, outlandishly, breath-takingly spiffy weekend. (And they think I am exaggerating. Pfaw. They know nothing. Ramble ramble, mutter mutter.)
Youth Court tonight too. Go me.
. . . . . entries for 16.5.05 . . . . .
'Tis the season to be bitten, and I *far* prefer apparently permanent bruising to itchy itchy ITCHY bugbites. Grr. Mosquitoes must die. My feet cannot possibly be that damn tasty.
Eh, I'll change the song another day. I just hope I remember which one it is. xD Poor Rufus hasn't gotten enough face time.
I am impressively tired and cranky right now, and it sucks. xD Oh well. I have the foreign language awards ceremony in a couple of hours, so I am wearing my pretty, vaguely faux-Spanish black skirt and top. I imagine I look quite emo. -.- Wow. Maybe I should just get the damn glasses and be done with it.
You know what's weird? Even if no one can see something that you're wearing, even if you wear it when no one else realizes it or has the least opportunity to realize it, it can influence your self-image and overall mood. Dan's text message reminded me of this - silly bastard - as do many other things hovering about my person at this moment. Even if I wear gloves over my painted fingernails and rings, I sure as hell know they're there.
Not exactly sure what that rant was about. o.O Maybe I should wear gloves more often. I do think 'twould raise eyebrows to wear my silly rings, but I like them. Maybe I'd be less grouchy if I had them around all the time.
Dan, you demon! No texting me in class. xD That is so not cool. And so adorable. Stop it.
Um, what else goes on? Little; I'm tired and my mind has been running mostly on Binghamton and Model UN, which is nonsense because it's damn near impossible to network when you're Iran. Bugger all. Our only ally (of sorts) is France, and even that is shaky - although we might coerce Japan to our side, along with Tanzania. Not that anyone gives a damn about Tanzania. They're just hungry.
Gym next, and I'm sure you cannot imagine my glee. It's a nice day out, so I am actually not being very sarcastic. Imagine that. More freckles for Erin, mmyes.
I think I am going to post yet another new song in my sidebar today, because I want to put about a thousand tunes up there at once, and it's creepy. Oh well. I do love the Rufus.
Ramble ramble.
. . . . . entries for 15.5.05 . . . . .
Fan-bloody-tastic weekend I have had. Despite my suspicions to the contrary, you crazy CTKs did live up to the precedent set by MCS. Mrr. Thank you, darlings.
In between typing, I am telling people of my fantabulous time and also eating my first real meal (ew hate that word so much ew) in days. o.O What's up with that? I become anorexic-y before and during my Binghamton trips, I swear. It's icky.
Um. Yes. There will be pictures. Wonderful ones. As for now, I should be doing things that are not blogging. Goodnight.
Mrr. I am on Veronica's computer presently. My typing is hindered not only by my nails but also by this damn pseudoergonomic PC keyboard, rar.
Fashion show today and, as promised, there shall be pictures. There are also a lot of pictures of goings-on yesterday, so overall. . . yes. This camera shall be a happy camera. Maybe I will eat up the remaining film with a Maxi photoshoot - and no, darling, that is almost certainly not as weird and dirty as it sounds.
. . . ick. Maxi is a very unfortunate nickname. xD
Any which way. Dan Earle is a wonderful human being, just like everyone else in Binghamton - only, perhaps, a little bit moreso. Alas, Sir Daniel! I wish you could make it today.
I like Charlie's present a lot, and I do believe it shall protect me from evil.
. . . . . entries for 13.5.05 . . . . .
The International Festival (or whatever it's called, I've been referring to it as MCS) was amazing. xD Spent most of it sitting in the Zen Corner, giving and receiving back massages and posing for very delicious photographs. Mrrr. <3 Can't wait 'til you get those developed, Susiepie. I think Charlie will be jealous. Possibly of innumerable people.
This weekend rocks so far. Keep it up, damn you. xD CTKs have a tough act to follow.
. . . . . entries for 12.5.05 . . . . .
Holy shit, Canadian Bacon is an amazing movie. xD Michael Moore actually did something right.
A typical conversation between my sister and myself:
Cas: You do NOT miss me more, you strumpet!
Me: xD trollop!
Cas: harlot!
Me: wench!
Cas: hussy!
Me: rash wanton!
Cas: slut! (around this time she started typing her responses before I answered her.)
Me: xD you're preempting me. that's adorable.
Cas: I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. brazen whore!
Me: lady of the night! scarlet woman!
Cas: Woman of ill repute!
Me: if only Charlie were here. he would bitch you out so terribly. xD
Cas: Why is that? I'm going to save us some trouble: http://thesaurus.reference.com/search?q=harlot. I win.
Me: xD alright, let's just skip this.
Hey, *I* thought it was funny. xD
Who has Josh Groban music? Erin has Josh Groban music. Oh yes. xD So I get to decide for myself whether or not he is as overrated as Charlie thinks he is.
So tired. o.o
. . . . . entries for 11.5.05 . . . . .
I'm out of it today like whoa. Half-asleep all through school and the afternoon. . . and still. Lots of reading to do. Doubts as to transportation this weekend. Blah.
. . . . . entries for 10.5.05 . . . . .
Happier lyrics now live in my sidebar. Thank God. o.O I got really sick of relating to Title and Registration so much. . .
. . . wow. Amazing how a scab will heal if you just cease to bloody well pick at it.
On a related note, the dates for Gender Bender Day and Faerie Princess Day have been decided. They are:
Gender Bender/Drag Day: June 2 (Thursday)
Faerie Princess Day: June 7 (Tuesday)
The past few days have done a fine day of reminding me of and intensifying my desire to become a catlady someday. Today was weird and icky, as can be expected, so I came home thinking I would sleep most of the afternoon away. Not so. Maxi, my dear cat, was waiting for me at the top of the stairs (because he is still afraid of Buddy). I took off my contacts and put down my bags and the little bastard starts meowing his ass off. I check up on him and nothing is wrong, he just needs love, because he is a cuddly little creature. So I pet him and, because I am tired after all, lie down at the top of the stairs. So what does he do but scoot closer to me and reach a paw out on my hand. Awww. I love Maxi so much. He is lying on my windowsill right now. He takes up the entire thing. xD
Apparently losing close friends in high school is normal. That sucks. I don't think I shall stand for it.
. . . . . entries for 9.5.05 . . . . .
Life never fails to surprise me with how shitty it can become - or, rather, it has recently developed this fascinating capacity for sheer heart-rending terribleness. Prior to this past couple weeks, things have been pretty rosy in Erinland. And now, well, damn.
All along, people have been telling me: sometimes friends grow apart. Fuck that. Friends shouldn't have to grow apart, not because of things that are totally out of our control. But I sure as hell don't plan on hovering like a mosquito, pretending things are okay. Not anymore. Not if you don't want to try to fix it. Not if it isn't worth it to you.
I just wish there hadn't been any false hope. I wish you hadn't tried to work through it at all. I wish you'd tear me apart limb from limb before smiling and laughing with me one fucking last time before writing: Goodbye. It seemed like things were okay again.
Now I guess I'm left to figure out where I stand, and right now, it looks like I stand more or less alone. Like I thought I would. Like I hoped I'd never have to. I think my dear Messiah Dan will read this sooner or later, and I'd like to tell him in particular: suddenly I understand why you are who you are. I wonder, if we were closer, if we could get over our embitteredness and cry because the world isn't as perfect as we'd like it to be - or if, at least, you'd let me cry to you.
"And there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade; and now it's gone, it's like it wasn't there at all; and here I rest, where disappointment and regret collide. . ."
. . . . . entries for 8.5.05 . . . . .
And also: everyone I know and enjoy the company of should move to a self-sufficient commune in Montana. This commune will probably contain some St. John's grads too, if I know my sister well. It will be an awesome place. Come live there with me.
Okay, so this day followed a parabolic sort of curve. Morning good, middle of the day godawful, and now things are peachy again.
Max disappeared for a while today, which freaked my mother out. A lot. o.o . . . yeah. That was bad. But now he is being so adorable and lovable I cannot be mad at him. I hate that. xD He still won't go downstairs, because he is afraid of Buddy. He enjoys lying next to me while I do homework, play Gameboy, et cetera.
. . . and yeah, I have been playing Pokemon Silver lately. xD This is because my gym buddles and myself were all being nostalgia freaks while walking the track the other day. And we were all like. . . oh my god, in fourth grade Pokemon weas SO COOL. So here I am, rockin' the Gameboy. My rival's name is Ebul!, exclamation point and all. :)
My mother got approximately ten metric fucktons of Pepperidge Farm munchy things, so I am helping to reduce that figure currently. I am not sure what she was thinking. We are not a family in need of fattening. She also got salad-y stuff (baby spinach is possibly the most delicious thing ever) so I suppose I cannot complain.
This has been a relatively sane blog entry. Signing off, Erin Sherman. Goodnight, capital district.
My cat is a mischievous son of a bitch who likes hiding under beds. -.-
Happy Mother's Day, ebullibody. It's a rather miserable day, I guess to make up for how lovely yesterday was. But life is, more or less, good.
It's a pity Mother's Day is always on a Sunday. I find Sundays irrevocably depressing, since I tend to think of things in terms of: in one week's time, I shall be [insert fun and interesting place, activity, people, whatever, here]. In one week's time, I'll either be leaving Binghamton, thinking about leaving Binghamton, or already a ways away from Binghamton. Fuck that. I want to bring the CTKs home with me.
Also: my cat's name is definitely Max. He is afraid of Buddy. o.o Sadness. He's such a big sweetie.
. . . . . entries for 7.5.05 . . . . .
Meh. So I just read Natalie's blog. It was a strange read, because I couldn't be certain who a great deal of it was directed towards - and a great deal of it definitely could have been directed towards me. What can I say about that? I don't really understand what I've done wrong, if I've done anything wrong. I wish someone would just tell it to me straight, but I don't think life's that easy. Pity.
So, for the sake of clarity: this is directed towards *you.* If you're reading it and are already familiar with what's going on, I want you to pay attention and realize that yes, I *do* mean you.
I do not think I am capable of rebuilding my social life from the bottom up. Maybe that's because I'm too critical of people, too unwilling to change, whatever - overall it's not as if I can blame anyone other than myself. The fact is that I think bonds with other people are sacred, not things that can be broken and mended at will.
. . . I'm not trying to be something I'm not. I'm not trying to be different, to not fit into a mold. It's just a fact, which I personally find somewhat unfortunate: I don't fit into a mold (or, if you find that wording too demeaning of people who, apparently according to me, *do* fit into molds, then. . . I don't know what to tell you). I can't help but see the dividing lines between people, and to see groups within which there are no lines to speak of. I would like to be in one of those groups. I admit it: friggin' lay a stereotype on me. I wouldn't mind having one; they look pretty nice from where I'm standing.
At the same time, though, I sure as hell don't want to have to change who I am just to fit into a group. Back in the day, there *was* a group I fit into: the group of weird-ass kids who fit nowhere else, which coalesced together into a lot of loving, welcoming people who honestly didn't *care* what people thought of them. I don't think things are that simple anymore. Nowadays, I feel like I'm treading on thin ice every instant with even some of my closest friends. Why the *hell* should I feel that way? Because of lines. Don't tell me they aren't damn well there; they are. They're drawn between so many different people on so many different levels, and now here I am: a line is being drawn because I think lines are being drawn.
This started over a line between gay and straight, between people who had changed and people who wanted things to stay the same. It'll end with dozens more, a new arrangement much more frustrating than the last, and there's no reason for it. So sick of conflicts with friends over stupid, inavoidable things. . . over beliefs that can't be changed.
Sorry if this entry seems incoherent. There's too much going on here for me to process it from my heart to brain to fingers and type it up clearly.
So I guess. . . here's the bottom line.
I am not asking anyone to change who they are. I do not want anyone to ask me to change who I am. I hope like hell no one is under the impression I have changed who I am for some ridiculous social reason. I just don't want an old, tightly-knit group to come apart because of its members "growing up" or realizing "who they are." I know who you are. You're my friends, and you've been my friends, and I want so badly for you to just. . . stay that way. Whoever you are.
If that's not possible, then damn, I guess my idealistic views on friendship are screwed over. So what's the point of expressing my views? I can hope that I still mean enough to you so that you'll try to understand how I feel, and maybe that won't have any tangible results, but I just can't ask more of you.
All I can ask is that, for the love of God, you remember us and make an effort to show us that you still care about us. . . that is, if you care, if you're willing to work at living the silly little dream of no social boundaries, no lines between people who've been together so long.
Don't say it isn't worth it.
I have a new cat. He is gigantic, affectionate, noble, quiet, black, and is name is Salem, but we might change it. This is the list of viable names:
Blackjack
Inky
Paladin
Aragon
Max
and possibly a few others I'm not remembering. I really like Nebula, but my dad doesn't, so that's out. I welcome your input on cat-naming.
. . . . . entries for 6.5.05 . . . . .
I am so, so high right now. Wheeeee. <3
. . .
. . .
. . . so what have I been smoking, right?
Nothing.
I have been eating spicy things at Susan's house for the science project of that fair lady and another fair lady, Shannon. There is a natural mood-heightening chemical in spicy food, just like there is in chocolate.
What I learned this evening: fresh Jalepenos are like reverse Ecstacy. At first, you are in great pain and misery, but after the burn fades away, you will feel positively *euphoric.* The only high that compares to that of the spicy is that of the CKH, which is a truly remarkable one indeed.
Both at the same time might kill me with sheer gleefulness and, given that information, I simply must try it sometime.
Response to entries on Shannon's blog, because I might as well:
Shannon and I feel somewhat excluded. It's not 'cause we're straight, so much as. . . we're not goth/punk/gay/interested in sex, at all. These things usually go together in our group of friends. I'm not saying that, if you're one, you're all of these things, or, if I know you, you're *any* of them, but I *will* say that Aditya is the most terrible human being I know and, as his punishment, he will be locked in a room with white, soft walls with no means to hurt himself or others for all fucking eternity. Yes.
There's a Holocaust talk going on in the Little Theatre right now. I am not going for a few reasons: a) it's crowded in there, b) it would cause me to be depressed for the rest of the day, and c) Mr. Allen might think I am once more too worried about my H, since I'd get extra credit if I went. -.- Meh.
Mmmso. I have fifteen minutes or so to do nothing before gym. I really, really want . . . well, I forgot what I originally intended to say I want, but I wouldn't mind just making Aditya not exist. I hate this kid. So much. You don't even know. (He's sitting next to me right now. I turned my monitor away so he wouldn't be able to read over my shoulder.)
. . . . . entries for 5.5.05 . . . . .
Things are presently looking something vaguely like a small misunderstanding sitting confusedly in the middle of a large, sticky problem which is too lazy to move its ass out of our lives. :P Shoo, problem. You smell!
Meh.
Things are better, though. I don't think anyone has really made an effort to understand the sticky problem, just the unfortunate little misunderstanding in the middle of it. I wish people would realize that the catalyst is not the problem, just what made us realize the problem exists. Don't think they will, though. Ah well. Martyr complex, go! - I'll just deal with it.
And, I hate to be predictable/typical of myself/annoying in my desire to be someplace other than where I am, but I can't fucking wait to go to Binghamton the weekend after next. xD Oh man. I have many bracelets for you people. Many bracelets.
. . . . . entries for 4.5.05 . . . . .
You Are A Fir Tree |
 You love anything beautiful, and you have extraordinary taste. And while it's hard for you to trust, you care deeply for those close to you. You are a social butterfly, and you have many friends. You handle stress well - and you are a master at relaxing after a hard day. Overall, you are modest, talented, unselfish, and very reliable. |
And, amidst truth: lies. Don't see much of this as being accurate, possibly because it's entirely positive.
You Are 24 Years Old |
24 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
Mmyeah, so much for being serious. Heh. Amused by the fact that I am as old at heart as my sister is *really.* Take the quiz, Cas. xD I want to know how we stack up in mental years!
Dan, I do not know whether to thank your or seethe in ironic anguish at you for giving me a song I can relate to this situation. -.-
Okay, I lied. I am going to blogrant about what is not happening this weekend and why, because Shannon already blogged so. . . I want to. I am frustrated about the whole thing to ridiculous extremes, given that I wasn't directly affected as such. But. . . I suppose that's a consequence of being as close friends with someone as I am with Shannon, with no troublesome differences in interest which cause unstoppable, blameless rifts. *hem* I think I may post a song this reminds me of in the sidebar later. Anyway. Back to the point of my blogrant.
You probably got the fact that Shannon isn't having this gathering (pre-Snowballesque party thing, whatever) that she had planned. If you aren't a complete dumbass, you probably got why, and if you're a wee bit perceptive you probably understand that she's upset about it.
So, if any of the people involved in the issue (not at fault, just involved) are reading this: is the pride you apparently hold about your sexuality more important than maintaining friendships you've had for years? You all must know I'm not homophobic, I mean, Christ, a homophobe wouldn't hang out with you guys, wouldn't be friends with you guys, wouldn't love you guys like I do. You rock. You know it, I know it, everyone who matters knows it.
So what would you think if our "straight pride" came before our friendships with you? What if we wouldn't be seen with you in public because we didn't want to be perceived as one of the gays or bis of the school? I know you think I'm overreacting, but these get-togethers are a big fucking deal to me. I never see any of you anymore; I'm not in classes with you. I miss you. I want to talk to you and goof around like we used to, but we can't because of all these fucking walls, and it tears me up inside.
Walls like sexuality, social groups, classes. . . and damn it, there's no one to *blame* for it. I can't ask any of you to enlist in AP courses or hang out with the nerdy kids or magically have no interest in expressing your pride in your sexuality. But I don't want to lose you.
I just wish you could for once remember your boring straight friends who aren't in your classes, and think, damn it, we had fun in middle school. I wish, just this one time, old companions could've come before these changes that I certainly didn't have any control over, and I don't think you guys did either. I wish you could understand by reading this how I feel. I just. . . don't think you can. I hardly know who you are anymore.
. . . I'm gonna stop typing, because my eyes kind of hurt from keeping them un-blurry. Blurry eyes are no good for blogging. So. See you tomorrow, everyone. Maybe, if I get the chance.
I had an impressively good day today, and tomorrow is the day of mock-Catholic naughtiness. Things are looking up in Erinland, therefore. Not s'much in Shannonland, as I understand it, as plans of hers have been undermined by plans of others. Meh. I will refrain from going on my rant about all of *that.* For some things, real life is far better than the 'Net, and this is one of them.
I also have to make up the sheep's eye dissection tomorrow. Not really looking forward to that one. o.o . . . I mean, don't get me wrong, animals are tasty, but eyeballs are freakish things. I don't really want to think about what goes on inside of them. xD
This week, I think, shall move along smoothly. Next week, I dunno. o.O Watch out for Erin-shrapnel coming your way, for I fear I may explode.
. . . . . entries for 3.5.05 . . . . .
I love Abby Alger. xD
In other (related) news: Naughty Catholic Schoolgirl Day on Thursday.
In other (unrelated) news: Not going to Binghamton this weekend, but the next. Instead, I will be a victim/test subject on Friday evening in Shannon and Susan's bio project involving copious amounts of spicy. I may die, but I will die with clear sinuses. And on Saturday there shall be madness, and it shall be good. Damn good.
This is pretty fucking hilarious. xD Fourteen apply to me - how about you?
Well, damn. It's over. I'd ask what I'm going to devote myself to now, but I think I know. I liked AP better. -.-
. . . . . entries for 2.5.05 . . . . .
Your True Birth Month Is March |
 Moody Secretive Revengeful Trustworthy Affectionate Loves traveling Loves attention Shy and reserved Musically talented Loves home decor Not easily angered Sensitive to others Loves special things Attractive personality Loves to serve others Loves peace and serenity Observant and assess others Loves to dream and fantasize Appreciative and returns kindness Hasty decisions in choosing partners Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic |
Why yes, I am addicted to these things. :P
Your Brain is 53.33% Female, 46.67% Male |
Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve |
I approve heartily of such a mix.
As if we needed more proof: Erin hates stressing over AP exams.
What's your favorite food? Curried anything.
What's your favorite fast food joint? Taco Bell. So bad for me. xD
What's your favorite resturaunt? Err, I love the Taipan, and 99.
What's your favorite pizza place? Ario's. Go supporting the local economy. ::waves little flag::
What your favorite kind of food [i.e. chinese, seafood, italian, etc]? Spicy food, preferrably Indian or Italian.
Where do you go grocery shopping? Hannaford. :P
Do you ever watch the food channel? Used to, very occasionally. Never do anymore. xD
Where's the best place to get::
ice cream? Control Tower or Stewart's. Preferrably, no ice cream (excluding that of the minty variety), just spicy. :P
subs? No subs. xD Why yes, I am ridiculous.
pizza? New York City. :P
italian ices? Italy or, failing that, that gelato place in Annapolis. xD
quick bite to eat? My own arm. :P No, really. Um. Nowhere in particular.
pancakes? My mother. :P
spaghetti? Oh god. I know too many good Italian places to pick just one. xD
scallops? Nowhere. :P
fish? Anyplace that will cajun blacken it for me. xD
fries? Friday's. Love that spicy.
Whats your favorite kind of::
ice cream? Mint chocolate chip, mmm. o.o
sub? A nonexistant one. :P
pizza? Just. . . pizza. Preferrably with nothing unidentifiable on it. xD
candy? Extremely dark chocolate.
fruit? Apples are delicious - especially when plucked right off the tree.
vegtable? Anything which is hypothetically green, green in practice, and is steamed/fresh.
salad dressing? NO SALAD DRESSING! . . . except maybe just olive oil. xD
cheese? Mozzerella, in the context of pizza. :P
quesadilla? No. :P
hot pocket? Haven't had one in literally years - maybe pizza? o.O
slurpee? Mmno. :P
italian ice? Lemon, if it's "Italian ice." If it's real gelato, then . . . just gimme. I don't care what flavor. xD
What was the last thing you ate? Mint chocolate chip ice cream. Mmm. xD
Where was the last resturaunt you ate at? . . . The Ritz. xD In Schenectady. Which my mom thought would not be fancy. What the hell.
Do you like salad? Why yes.
Are you hungry now? Not really.
This time tomorrow, I will be writing a Change Over Time essay in the wrestling gym of my school. I will be very glad an hour from that time, at which juncture I will be done and rid of all of this AP nonsense. -.-
In the meantime, I refuse to do any of my homework which is technically due tomorrow 'cause damn, it's not like I'm going to class anyway. o.O I also should not take a nap, in the name of getting a good night's sleep. So I may go over some last-minute junk, like dates. Tricky sons of bitches, those dates in history class.
Yaaaawn. I foresee a long twenty-five hours ahead.
. . . . . entries for 1.5.05 . . . . .
Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover |
 You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires. And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek. You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships. It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is. |
. . . pfaw. xD
I think I should write a nerd survey like that. :P Maybe some other time. . .
I am so unwilling to do homework that I will waste my time with a checkmark survey.
() smoked a cigarette
() smoked a cigar
() made out with a member of the same sex (Erin's note: well. . . no, I guess not. xD)
() crashed a friend's car
() stolen a car
(*) been in love
() been dumped
() shoplifted
() been fired
() been in a fist fight
(*) snuck out of my parent's house
() had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
() been arrested
() made out with a stranger
() gone on a blind date
(*) lied to a friend
() had a crush on a teacher
() skipped school
() slept with a co-worker
() seen someone die
(*) been to Canada
() been to Mexico
(*) been on a plane
() thrown up in a bar (i might have, i honestly can't remember that night)
() purposely set a part of myself on fire
(*) eaten Sushi
() been snowboarding
() been moshing at a concert
() been in an abusive relationship
() taken painkillers
(*) love someone or miss someone right now
(*) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(*) made a snow angel
(*) had a tea party
(*) flown a kite
(*) built a sand castle
(*) gone puddle jumping
(*) played dress up (still do. all the time. :P)
(*) jumped into a pile of leaves
(*) gone sledding
() cheated while playing a game
(*) been lonely
(*) fallen asleep at work/school
() used a fake id
(*) watched the sun set
(*) watched the sun rise
(*) felt an earthquake
(*) touched a snake
() slept beneath the stars
(*) been tickled
() been robbed
(*) been misunderstood
() pet a reindeer/goat (um, maybe? o.O)
(*) won a contest
() run a red light
() been suspended from school
(*) been in a car accident
() had braces
(*) felt like an outcast
() eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(*) had deja vu
(*) danced in the moonlight
(*) hated the way you look
(*) witnessed a crime (does cheating on a test count as a crime? -.-)
() pole danced
(*) questioned your heart
() been obsessed with post-it notes
(*) squished barefoot through the mud
(*) been lost
() been to the opposite side of the country
(*) swam in the ocean
() felt like dying
(*) cried yourself to sleep
() played cops and robbers
() recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(*) sung karaoke
() paid for a meal with only coins
(*) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
() made prank phone calls
(*) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(*) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(*) danced in the rain
(*) written a letter to Santa Claus
() been kissed under a mistletoe
() watched the sun set with someone you care about (well damn, that would be nice.)
(*) blown bubbles
(*) made a bonfire on the beach
() crashed a party
() gone rollerskating
(*) had a wish come true
() humped a monkey
(*) worn pearls
() jumped off a bridge
() screamed penis in class (. . . hmm, I may have. xD interesting times in existentialism.)
() ate dog/cat food
() told a complete stranger you loved them
(*) kissed a mirror
(*) sang in the shower
(*) had a dream that you married someone
() glued your hand to something
() got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
() kissed a fish
(*) worn the opposite sexes clothes (not nearly enough. xD)
() been a cheerleader
() sat on a roof top
(*) screamed at the top of your lungs
(*) done a one-handed cartwheel
() talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(*) stayed up all night
() didn't take a shower for a week
(*) pick and ate an apple right off the tree (mm, delicious.)
(*) climbed a tree
() had a tree house
(*) are scared to watch scary movies alone
() believe in ghosts
() have more then 30 pairs of shoes
(*) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say (I did it because I was lazy, not to get a reaction. xD)
() gone streaking
() played ding-dong-ditch
() played chicken
() been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(*) been told you're hot by a complete stranger (the wonder of Gaia!)
() broken a bone
(*) been easily amused
() caught a fish then ate it
() made porn
(*) caught a butterfly
(*) laughed so hard you cried
() cried so hard you laughed
() mooned/flashed someone
() had someone moon/flash you (unless you count Greg. -.-)
() cheated on a test
() have a Brittany Spears CD
(*) forgotten someone's name
(*) slept naked
() French braided someones hair
() gone skinny dippin in a pool
() been kicked out of your house
- also senselessly energetic. I may go run around my house a couple of times or something.
In case Charlie is silly and doesn't blog it: he rocked out at select competition. Again. -.- Are we surprised? No, children, we're not. Good job, Sir Charles.
I have homework. Most of it is AP homework. YOU DO NOT EVEN KNOW HOW LITTLE I WANT TO DO ANYTHING INVOLVED WITH WORLD HISTORY RIGHT NOW. *sizzle* . . . seriously. You have no idea.
come home?
.:people:.
{ting}
she looks like the real thing
{mari}
out and about
[kelsey]
THIS IS AMERICA
{yianni}
stop being depressed
{alisa}
other
[shannon]
close and far
{frank}
islands where no islands should go
[cassie]
eating knowledge
{colin}
my dm
[emily]
shoulder to the wheel
[brian]
nostalgic for fantasy
[nicole]
industry insider
{elle}
angry enviro
[matt]
never heard of miyazaki
[pirate dan]
are you reading this?
[olga]
distracted
[messiah dan]
messiah/believer
{max}
approach focus
[natalie]
wait a minute
[susan]
solitude
{greg}
manbeargreg
.:past:.
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.:skin:.
turtles! turtles! by araglas
(heavily modified by yours truly)