. . . . . entries for 28.6.04 . . . . .
Mikey is frightened by my blog. As he should be.
Mrr. . . who thinks I should change the layout?
I will be in Canada from Tuesday to Friday. Just thought everyone should know this.
"Thank you, Mikey, for my dreams will be much haunted by you and your fucking testicle gnome tonight." ~Moi
xD Yeah. Don't mind that.
Sparkle died. :(
. . . . . entries for 26.6.04 . . . . .
Elle has a blog! And she loves me! xD
And I have two new Neal Stephenson books! VICTORY IS MINE!
Have you seen me this happy? Ever!?
. . . . . entries for 25.6.04 . . . . .
My turtle broke.
Granted, it's my own damn fault, but still. . . my turtle broke.
The green-tinted water inside my turtle smells like vanilla. Which is nice, I guess. I never would have known that if I hadn't been swinging it around (exactly what you don't do with a glass necklace, boys and girls). I guess it hit something, and just broke. Very fragile. And there's no way to fix it.
I can't find the grain of rice with my name on it.
Angsty poetry - the Charlie way.
you and your crazy aways...
you never warn me whenyoure leaving, either!
you just randomly disappear, like a shadow in the night
leaving me with a torn heart, staring at the instant message
until my eyes drift to the buddy list like cherry blossoms in the wind
and see a frickin' little yellow note icon by your name!
I'd ask if you enjoy my angsty poetry, but you're not even there
so blah, I say!
blah!
. . . . . entries for 23.6.04 . . . . .
This is so wonderful. xD Most you have probably heard it, but this is a wonderful visualization.
I have seven matches at eHarmony. xD I actually might have more, but I can't count, so yeah.
Some of them are really remarkably interesting-sounding. So I don't break their hearts, I'm going to have to kill my account, I think. o.O;;
. . . . . entries for 20.6.04 . . . . .
"Many men have loved the bells
You fastened to the rein,
And everyone who wanted you
They found what they will always want again,
Your beauty lost to you yourself
Just as it was lost to them,
Oh, take this longing from my tongue,
Whatever useless things these hands have done,
Let me see your beauty broken down
Like you would do for one you love.
Your body like a searchlight,
My poverty revealed,
I would like to try your charity,
Until you cry, "Now you must try my greed,"
And everything depends upon,
How near you sleep to me,
Just take this longing from my tongue,
All the lonely things my hands have done,
Let me see your beauty broken down
Like you would do for one you love.
Hungry as an archway
Through which the troops have passed,
I stand in ruins behind you,
With your winter clothes, your broken sandal straps.
I love to see you naked over there,
Especially from the back,
Oh, take this longing from my tongue,
All the useless things my hands have done,
Untie for me your hired blue gown,
Like you would do for one you love.
You're faithful to the better man;
I'm afraid that he left.
So let me judge your love affair
In this very room, where I have sentenced
Mine to death.
I'll even wear these old laurel leaves
That he's shaken from his head.
Just take this longing from my tongue,
All the useless things my hands have done,
Let me see your beauty broken down
Like you would do for one you love.
Like you would do for one you love."
~Leonard Cohen, Take This Longing
I was just watching an Animal Planet special on the top ten scariest animals. All of them were pretty predictable, although the order was questionable. (I also think giant squid should have been on there. Mrr. Oh well. You can't have everything.)
The last one - the scariest animal, in theory - was a total surprise, however. By then they'd gone through every creepy critter I could think of, so I figured that number one would have to be other people. This made sense to me. It was predictable. It sort of fit the format.
So I was somewhat surprised when number one was not people, but things that live inside people - parasites, specifically parasitic worms.
Okay, so it sounds kind of stupid, but I find it interesting on two different levels. The first of these is pretty obvious. It's a cute metaphor; things that live inside our own bodies, which are almost part of us, are our greatest fear. The worms could be a metaphor for our vices, frightening memories, or evil thoughts.
And that's dandy, really, but that's not what really scares me about worms.
Ever gone to the vet and gotten one of those cute little pamphlets on diseases your cat or dog can contract? Well, if you haven't, don't. At least, don't pick up the one on heartworm. Every one of those damn brochures has a picture of a real heart - a cat's heart, most often, which totally shatters me given my love of cats - strangled and entwined with white, threadlike worms. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just an artist's impression, but no. It's always a color picture of a actual heart, red with the blood of a real creature whose life was really, truly crushed by these things. Cut from the chest of Bianco. Gizzie. Iddy. Chocho.
I almost cried when I heard what number one was.
Maybe I'm too attached to my cat.
It's three in the morning, by the way. -.- So it might account for my somewhat odd blog just now. There have passed other events this evening which I may blog in the morning (or more likely the afternoon). For now, I'd better sleep.
Worms.
. . . . . entries for 19.6.04 . . . . .
Cas: My poor butt.
Erin: xD
Cas: It's had a hell of a week.
Erin: want me to kiss it better?
Cas: Eeew.
Erin: ::dies laughing::
. . . . . entries for 18.6.04 . . . . .
Everyone else is hearing them, too. They're probably fireworks.
Phew.
There are weird thumping noises coming from outside. I can't tell how far away they are. They're bugging the living hell out of me.
Arg.
Dude! A real Spyro game is coming out! Like, a real one! Like, a 3-D platformer Spyro! xD!! Just like the good old days. . . I can't wait.
All random weblike things aside, however, I have my Earth Science Regents exam today. I'm not worried about it, but I have this unfortunate feeling that I should be more worried than I am. This feeling is usually what bodes extremely badly for tests. Oh, I do not want it to bode badly. >.< Do not want!! ::cries::
. . . but it'd be my own damn fault. -.- I guess I probably should have studied more, but I know the stuff so well that it puts me to sleep. . .
That's really all that needs to be said. xD
. . . . . entries for 17.6.04 . . . . .
Gehen sie hier!
xD Finally we have a culprit. Not much to my surprise, BM did it.
I have a mental list of junk to do for Dad. o.O;; . . . what a pain. But no one else is here tonight, just me. Hence lots of electronics running so I don't feel lonely. Electronics make noise. Noise makes me feel less lonely. Y'know. It works.
. . . . . entries for 14.6.04 . . . . .
Mosquitobitesmosquitobitesmosquitobites! AAAARG! o.o ::stares at the little red dots which have started to appear on her skin::
WE HATES THEM!!
Take a look at this picture.
Yes, it's a pretty picture from FFX-2. ^.^ The weird thing is that Lenne, the chick on the left, looks amazingly similar to a girl in my German class. I don't remember her name, though. o.O;; But yeah. . . just a random observation.
Cas is sick. I doubt anyone here reads her blog, since it's password protected, but she's sick so she won't be blogging.
That's sad. Cas is t3h_b10gg3h_m@ch1n3h.
I'm only vaguely aware that I still have school tomorrow. I kind of feel like running down to D.C. with mom and visiting Cas. I miss Cas. She's kinda like a big part of me - or maybe I'm a big part of her - or maybe both - that's gone and flown off for a while. I'm not really better or worse off without her, but I sure as hell am different.
Get better, Cassie. :( We're rooting for you.
Shannon, Natalie and I had a fascinating conversation on the bus today. It makes me realize I'm not the only teenager who's thinking, "what the fuck, man, I'm fourteen!" every day of her life. -.-
Erin's sexuality: open-minded. For chrissakes, guys. You can't know any more than that at this age. Not unless you're. . . er. . . promiscuous is a harsh word, but it's the only one that I can think of at the moment. Mrrr. o.O . . .
So, yeah, if you can't tell. . . I've had an interesting day. I survived my German and Global finals. I dunno how well I'm gonna do in German, I forgot a bunch of the vocabulary. o.O;;. . . but Global was insanely easy, so s'good.
::waves to the blog she blogged during midi tech:: ^.^ AHOOOOY THERE!
In midi tech. :P On the last day, as it were. We're just hanging out for the first mod. I think we're going to start "sharing" soon.
I don't think I did as well as I could have on my German final. -.- Aggrivating. . . I forgot a bunch of the words in the vocabulary section. I've heard the same thing from a lot of kids, though, and he curves the tests. Curve = delicious.
. . . . . entries for 13.6.04 . . . . .
And, for that matter. . .
The coffeehouse was alright, but, eh. Nothing too remarkable. The Visibility people were very sick of me by the end of it. o.o;;
Summer is damn close at hand. I'm officially a sophomore now, how screwy is that? o.O I'm not a frosh anymore! Rejoice! ::busts out the glowsticks:: Light switch rave!
So uh. . . yeah. Not much afoot here at the moment. Elle pointed out that I had an angsty blog entry. Damn right I did. I hope that won't happen too often. It annoys myself that I'm capable of being that angsty. Neeeeh.
. . . . . entries for 12.6.04 . . . . .
Open mic night in six hours. I think I'm gonna wear my yellow dress.
Don't really know how I'm getting there, though. My parents are going to an annual part at the home of a family friend. . . but there are never any kids there, so I sure as hell don't wanna go. That starts at 3.
I need rescuing!! xD I'll probably end up calling Shannon or Kochiemeister. Speaking of which, you'd better remember to bring the CD with you, Tina. I think I might sing Civilians solo. :)
. . . on a completely different note, certain people have proved that intelligence is not a factor in behavior. At all.
You somehow manage to stack the odds against you. Wonder if you did that on purpose, too. Wonder if I'm just being really damned paranoid. xD Somehow I think that's the most probable case, but. . . eh. I'd rather be paranoid than be a total dumbass. Not this time. No more neurohacking.
Damned neurohacker. . .
. . . . . entries for 11.6.04 . . . . .
I get tired a lot earlier these days. It's probably good for me, but it pisses me off anyway.
Charlie can get back online again. It makes me happy, but it also means he won't call me as much. No more straining like hell to hear his pretty voice. . . kind of a shame.
Mrr. . . I think I'm gonna start blogging a lot more now. Because. . . I can. I have too much free time. And because of an urge to blog, blog, bury the blogs of the past. . .
I am going to the Visibility coffee house tomorrow. I am having a dilemma as to what to wear. (Yes. This happens to Erin, she who seems to get dressed in the dark every day of her life.) On the one side, I will never again have a halfway reasonable excuse to wear my mother's Thai yellow silk dress. On the other, I just got this absolutely excellent disco shirt. o.O . . . somehow, I picture myself going with the Thai silk. . .
::bangs head against some hard surface or another:: I really, really wish I had a more normal social life sometimes. It would be *so* much easier that way, it seems. I'm probably really off. A normal social life is probably bloody difficult to manage and tumultuous compared to mine. But damn. . . mine is so screwed over.
I haven't blogged for a while. Finals are my excuse, but they aren't the reason. I haven't really got a reason.
The mosquitoes are starting to crop up. Part of me doesn't want to smash them between my palms, and the other half *really* wants to see that drop of my blood that they stole splattered on my wall. Little bastards. . . I'm anemic enough as is.
So yeah. I'm avoiding a big issue.
Dreams are weird.
Dreams mean very little, usually. To me, anyway. My dreams are mostly gibberish. Scary gibberish, sometimes.
Some people have meaningful dreams.
I don't think anyone has truthful dreams. Dreams are hopes and contorted reflections of hopes, and hopes are lies. Pleasant lies, sometimes, but lies.
What put that lie in your head, anyway? What bloody Freudian explanation is there for this? How can I debunk it, make it seem stupid and frivolous? Why do I want to so much? And what the hell do you mean by "passionate!?"
One hundred fifty miles to lose one another in. A beautiful voice he's afraid to raise too high, in case someone in the next room hears. A whisper across the distance that doesn't carry, so I can't hear it when he says "I'll be thinking of you. . . I miss you. . . I love you."
You had no right to that dream. Not with me in it.
Forget it. You can live it, you have that option, that pleasure, that luxury, so for the love of God, forget it. Then live it. . . I may envy you, but live it and let me burn with jealousy. Why the hell, man. Why did you tell me about that dream. . .
. . . . . entries for 6.6.04 . . . . .
YES!
. . . . . entries for 2.6.04 . . . . .
Due to a certain deep friend of mine remarking on how the world seems rather gray, it seems as if the world has, indeed, gone quite pale and distant and ashen. The world is miles away from me - something like 150 miles, if I remember correctly, but I probably don't.
I heard a group of kids in my study hall talking about love the other day. They're all freshmen - I won't name names for the sake of, well. . . I don't know. I just won't.
Anyway, one individual in this group has a significant other who they apparently aren't very physical with, not because they don't like them, but because they just find themselves, somehow or another, incapable. . . and because they feel like it's too important, too real to rush into. ::can relate. uberly.::
And the other members of this group were bugging the poor kid about it. -.- Another member then said that love isn't possible in ninth grade (most of the group agreed with them), and that, even if someone says that they love someone else at our age, they don't actually *mean* it.
Really, all I have to say to that is: what the bloody hell?!
Your thoughts?
By the way - the homework load has let up, since finals are hurtling towards us with great speed. I found the proof test yesterday very easy. Tomorrow I will probably get my grade back. I hope I didn't miss a page or something stupid like that. I don't think I did. I think I did well. I think this year might not end disastrously.
Only if I study for my German verbal exam tomorrow. o.o. . . ::twitch::
And only if I sleep.
To Cas - I meant to post this a while ago.
Don't cry. We never liked him anyway.
I wish my scanner worked. If my scanner worked, I would scan my self-portrait drawn from a picture taken on the night of Snowball. Mom says I'm prettier than it is, and doesn't comment on the quality of the actual artwork. Mom is goofy. I wish I could get more opinions about it.
So don't be surprised if I wave it around in school.
. . . . . entries for 1.6.04 . . . . .
o.o caffeine.
come home?
.:people:.
{ting}
she looks like the real thing
{mari}
out and about
[kelsey]
THIS IS AMERICA
{yianni}
stop being depressed
{alisa}
other
[shannon]
close and far
{frank}
islands where no islands should go
[cassie]
eating knowledge
{colin}
my dm
[emily]
shoulder to the wheel
[brian]
nostalgic for fantasy
[nicole]
industry insider
{elle}
angry enviro
[matt]
never heard of miyazaki
[pirate dan]
are you reading this?
[olga]
distracted
[messiah dan]
messiah/believer
{max}
approach focus
[natalie]
wait a minute
[susan]
solitude
{greg}
manbeargreg
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.:skin:.
turtles! turtles! by araglas
(heavily modified by yours truly)