. . . . . entries for 2.1.09 . . . . .
My sister isn't very close with anyone she knew in high school now. She sees some folks on breaks, but mostly she keeps up with college friends. (Sorry if this is too revealing or whatnot, Cas - I bet you will be among the first and few to read it so I can cut it if you'd like.)
I wouldn't have thought any such thing could happen to me, but now I look at some of my high school friendships and think it may, either because we became friends almost incidentally, with little actually in common, or because our suddenly distant locations are tugging our minds and hearts apart as well. Granted, I have friends with whom I disagree - I doubt I agree with any of you on every political issue, and I don't necessarily mean the disagreements lie in the minutiae, either - and to whom I have trouble actually relating, because they think and feel so differently from me. But to watch someone to whom I once felt a kind of kinship become different is . . . different.
Maybe I need to find a relatively homogeneous college crowd to fall into. Maybe then I wouldn't feel this sense of loss, or at least I'd understand more what it is to change that way. But I am bad at this crowd-finding game, because I like my friends individually packaged and complete, and my own personality isn't very compatible with groupthink. In a way, it makes me weak. In another, it makes me strong. I suspect the latter is the reason I am not an atheist: I want to believe that I have some manner of immortal soul, so all of this remaining distinct and true to my own head and heart will not be lost and laughable upon my death.
The psych lecture on groupthink was the most memorable by far, maybe because my professor constantly illustrated his points in terms of the Bush administration. I want to believe it is that dangerous, that people err as they list into the path of their flocks. This, I suspect, makes me holier-than-thou. But I don't know to what snobby lot I belong, especially since I don't do groupthink well. You can tell me, if you have any ideas. Here are some adjectives: white, upper-middle-class, East Coast intellectual, American, sheltered, liberal, agnostic . . .
I guess the short version is that I'm kind of angry and also kind of sad about someone, and obviously failing to edit myself. Block one leak and it begins to seep through another.
But there's plenty else to think about.
*sends hugs, too*
-alisapod
: January 06, 2009 3:51 PMcome home?
.:people:.
{ting}
she looks like the real thing
{mari}
out and about
[kelsey]
THIS IS AMERICA
{yianni}
stop being depressed
{alisa}
other
[shannon]
close and far
{frank}
islands where no islands should go
[cassie]
eating knowledge
{colin}
my dm
[emily]
shoulder to the wheel
[brian]
nostalgic for fantasy
[nicole]
industry insider
{elle}
angry enviro
[matt]
never heard of miyazaki
[pirate dan]
are you reading this?
[olga]
distracted
[messiah dan]
messiah/believer
{max}
approach focus
[natalie]
wait a minute
[susan]
solitude
{greg}
manbeargreg
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.:skin:.
turtles! turtles! by araglas
(heavily modified by yours truly)