. . . . . entries for 28.11.06 . . . . .
There comes a point at which no music, no number of down comforters and pillows and hands over your ears can hide the sound of skittering, tumbling, a horrible vermin two floors below, fighting its way up the stairs and to the surface.
I got back my Kafka In My Basement essay today, which is good, because I have to send a recent, graded paper to Middlebury. (They probably want something more like my Snow White essay. Ah well. I'll think about it.) Ms. Moore drew two smileyfaces on it, and gave me an A+. I'm proud of that paper, proud of what I felt when I wrote it - defiance, innocent, hopeful denial. "Skitter on, Kafka," I wrote. Like I could ignore it forever. Like it would stay docile, crawling hopelessly on the floor, forever.
I have a feeling I'm going to think this is melodramatic in a matter of hours, if not minutes. Screw it.
It's almost like my entire day was tailored to making me feel awful. There were good parts - I know there were, I remember them - but some things are too ludicrous, too cruel in their circumstance. Teen depression and suicide day in health; a class of people most of whom had pretty obviously never sat up all night, reminding a friend why life is worth living, talking about signs and causes and prevention like they know. They look at me funny, as if I'm speaking another language, when I say the word "hope," and brush it off as too romantic, too abstract to really pull someone back from the edge.
We started reading The Heart of Darkness in English today, but that's just literature, and it's about Britain and Africa, about history - who gives a damn, right?
In spite of the evidence to the contrary, I can hardly put together a sentence in my brain right now. I guess I'll stop rambling. I guess I probably shouldn't have put this up on my blog where everyone can read it, but hell, we already know I show symptoms of bipolar disorder lite and SAD - why not go into more depth? :P
: November 29, 2006 4:35 PM
come home?
.:people:.
{ting}
she looks like the real thing
{mari}
out and about
[kelsey]
THIS IS AMERICA
{yianni}
stop being depressed
{alisa}
other
[shannon]
close and far
{frank}
islands where no islands should go
[cassie]
eating knowledge
{colin}
my dm
[emily]
shoulder to the wheel
[brian]
nostalgic for fantasy
[nicole]
industry insider
{elle}
angry enviro
[matt]
never heard of miyazaki
[pirate dan]
are you reading this?
[olga]
distracted
[messiah dan]
messiah/believer
{max}
approach focus
[natalie]
wait a minute
[susan]
solitude
{greg}
manbeargreg
.:past:.
April 2002
May 2002
June 2002
July 2002
August 2002
September 2002
October 2002
November 2002
December 2002
January 2003
February 2003
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
November 2011
January 2012
February 2012
March 2012
June 2012
April 2013
May 2013
June 2013
.:skin:.
turtles! turtles! by araglas
(heavily modified by yours truly)